It's like coming back from very far away. For a moment my body struggles, trying to be one thing and another - the jaguar, Tez-that-was, Micah - and then settles. "I don't want to leave you," I say. Can hear the boy's stubbornness in my voice, through the hoarseness. There's something all over me that's like blood but isn't. "I will if you want me to."