I realize that Hermia's reaching toward me, so lean a bit and take her hand, "I'll try to explain. Can't promise it'll make the most sense, but I'll try," squeeze her fingers and collect my thoughts before I begin.

Describing it is strange, and I don't know it's hard despite our friendship, or because of it, "Before I came to Excolo I knew who I was and what my duties were. I knew what to do and when to do it, and no problem ever stopped me. And then I came here and everything just shifted on me. Suddenly I had more than just my duty," Drop my eyes and stare into my teacup, "I had friends and I didn't know how to care about them. Or take care of them. And I had problems that couldn't be easily solved. Crimes without evidence. Things I knew but couldn't prove. I couldn't arrest gods or demons and I certainly couldn't tell folk that was why I wasn't getting this done. Knowing who I was just wasn't enough anymore."

Look back up at her, "And then, all at once, I had a realization. Why did I have to prove anything? You remember when we had that terrible riot a couple years ago. The one that happened because we were giving the cannibal due- process? No one here wanted justice or reasons. They wanted safe and quiet and the bad guy stopped. I learned from that."