The years flow by like water, and one day men come home again. Part II

[al-shairan.livejournal.com]

From here. Iblis freed Micah!Tez from his bond to Management, and then gave him an unexpected gift.
*
"You had a riding crop once. I remember."

I drop my head forward again, and I look at him through my lashes. I remember looking at him like before.

"I don't remember that. But I would like to, I think." I eat my pie, tart berry and sweet pastry. "Eat your pie," I say, smiling, "and then find somewhere you can remind me of lots of things like that."

[ac: sex, some blood, as you might expect. Schmoop warning! ;)]
[closed]

Comments

[al-shairan.livejournal.com]

"I always need you," I say drowsily, and tug him in against me. "Why are you sad, Micah?" I could feel it, in his mind. I can feel it now, behind his happiness.

[tezcatl-ipoca.livejournal.com]

I rest my cheek against him. "Because you're often sad," I say, as the simplest way of explaining. "Most of the time you're not happy like this, and there's nothing I can do about it. I want you to always be happy." I wouldn't even care if he still couldn't love me, if he could feel like this.

[al-shairan.livejournal.com]

"Oh," I say, and frown. I sit up a little and put my fingers against the bite marks I left in him. "I can mend this, I think," I say, and press against the skin, feel it start to knit. I think I'm unused to mending things, but it's not hard. I wish I knew how I knew these things. There are scabs now where there was fresh blood a moment ago. "That's better. You're...more easily hurt than you used to be," I say slowly, knowing it's true. "I can look after you." I look at his serious face. "I think I do love you. I think I have for a long time."

[tezcatl-ipoca.livejournal.com]

I feel myself starting to go back together. "You're...more easily hurt than you used to be. I can look after you."

"I can look after you, too," I say stubbornly. I can now. I could normally if he'd let me, much more than I do.

"I think I do love you. I think I have for a long time."

I look at him and tug him in against me. "Thank you," I say very gently against his hair. I won't - won't be sick, or cry, or anything like that, because I won't spoil this. He means it now, he does, he does. (For a long time?) I am crying, though I didn't want to, sort of snuffling against him. "It's alright," I say, "I'm happy," and I am, it's stupid but I am. I never asked him to, I didn't. I never asked him to love me. I don't need it. I do. "I love you so much," I say thickly. I sound exactly like a child, not - whatever I am.

[al-shairan.livejournal.com]

He's crying, and I know it's because of me.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before," I say, because that's why he's crying, isn't it? "I don't know why I didn't. I wish I remembered." I hold him against me. "There are all these pieces of me missing, and I don't remember why I've hurt you. I should try to fix myself." I should, for him.

[tezcatl-ipoca.livejournal.com]

"I like you how you are," I say into his neck. "I always do. I always have." I want, I want - I want him to let himself have this always, I want him to be alright, I want that long grey despair I fell in love with at some point in the before-I-died time to go away. "I want everything for you," I say more fiercely. He's just a boy now, even more than me.

I force myself to stop crying. It's very hard. "I'm so glad you love me." Does the rest of him, the shut away parts, or is he only able to now because they're not there? But this is part of him too, isn't it, so some part of him must, and it'll be alright because I'll always know that, even if he doesn't, I'll always remember this. My face is sticky, and I wipe it with my arm.

It's not fair for him not to know. "You chose to forget things because - " for me. "So we could be like this. If you want to be fixed, you shouldn't stay like this for me." Stay like this for me. I won't ever say it, I won't. I would have said it to Val. Everything's so confusing.

[al-shairan.livejournal.com]

"I will for you," I say, and now I'm crying too and I don't know why. "If I did it for you it must be a good reason. I want to be with you." I curl into him. "I'm so tired, Micah."

[tezcatl-ipoca.livejournal.com]

I thought I was done crying. I'm holding him against me. I know this isn't going to last. But he means it now, he does. "I'm so tired, Micah."

"It's alright, love. It's alright." He must be so tired. It's been so long. All those thousands of years. "I'm here, I've got you." Saying the stupid useless things that lovers say. "You can rest, you can rest if you want to." I did, in the dark, after I died. "I'll be here."

[al-shairan.livejournal.com]

"I feel like I've never been to sleep before," I say. "Isn't that strange?" I shut my eyes, curl in against him. My throat's still bleeding, but I don't think it matters. I'm so very tired...

When I wake it is dark. I blink, confused, and then a great grey weight settles on me.

"Oh," I say, a soft sound of despair. "Oh, no."

[tezcatl-ipoca.livejournal.com]

I don't sleep, though my body wants to. I said I'd be here. We lie together for a long time, and he's breathing soft and heavy like any sleeping person. I can keep you safe right now.

Some time when it's dark he moves. "Oh. Oh, no."

I think something is broken inside me, something small and far away right now but I think it was an important part, before it broke. "I'm sorry," I say, low and miserable. I mean it for - too much. He'll want me to let go of him soon.

[al-shairan.livejournal.com]

It hurts so much. I had forgotten how much, used to it day after day after day. I make a low howling noise, and then I am weeping in his arms, a sobbing that shakes this whole body. I cannot bear it, I cannot.

[tezcatl-ipoca.livejournal.com]

"Oh," I say, and I sound like an injured animal. "Oh love, love." I'm holding him so tight and I'm kissing his hair and I can't fix this, I can't take this away, I can't do anything. He's feeling this because of me, because he wanted to give me a gift, and I'd rather have never had it, I would.

I can't offer anything. Anything I offer would be stupid and useless. But I can hold onto him, can't I. I can do that while he cries for - everything. Himself.

[al-shairan.livejournal.com]

I cry for a long time. A long, long time, and then at last I move, roll onto my back. The grass is soft beneath me. I made it for him. It was so easy, bring like that. I hate how easy it was. I rub my eyes dry. My gifts are not to be trusted; I had forgotten that applied even to me.

"I should go," I say at last. I sound so weary.

[tezcatl-ipoca.livejournal.com]

We're still naked and my skin is wet with his tears. I want to say: there's no should for you. "You don't have to," I say, very quietly. "You could stay." I wish he would. Things could be - different.

[al-shairan.livejournal.com]

I shake my head. No. It hurts too much to stay. I sit up slowly. There is dried blood crusted on my neck. I touch my fingers to it, think of him showi me stars, the bright burst of my happiness at seeing it, and I have to close my eyes.

"You should stay here," I say. "It is not safe for you back at the carnival. Management will be unhappy." I make myself stand up. In the dark I can still smell the flowers blooming in the grass. It was a stupid kind of magic, not half as practical as giving him furniture, a dry roof. An idiotic boyish whimsy. I shake my head, feeling sick.

[tezcatl-ipoca.livejournal.com]

"I will," I promise. Lilith couldn't come in here, so maybe Management can't either. I wish he'd let me go with him. I don't ask.

I stand up with him. The grass he made is soft under my feet and I wonder how long it will last. "I'll be here. If you," need me, "want me." I'm not going away now. I want to ask if he'll be alright.

[al-shairan.livejournal.com]

I look at him steadily for a moment.

"I know," I say. I wonder if I burned this body again if it would take some of this feeling away. I do not think so. "Beware of Greeks bearing gifts," I say, and laugh, a strange dry sound. Then I walk out, naked and bloody. It is hardly as if I can be in danger now.