"Oh," I say, and I sound like an injured animal. "Oh love, love." I'm holding him so tight and I'm kissing his hair and I can't fix this, I can't take this away, I can't do anything. He's feeling this because of me, because he wanted to give me a gift, and I'd rather have never had it, I would.

I can't offer anything. Anything I offer would be stupid and useless. But I can hold onto him, can't I. I can do that while he cries for - everything. Himself.