estdeus_innobis | I think that people who can't believe in fairies aren't worth knowing. ~Tori Amos

Tuesday, the 23rd of September
The Dormouse, Late morning

The sky is grey and the air is damp; it's going to rain at some point today. Good. It should rain today. The world and the heavens and all the people below it should weep. As much as Lucien would have hated it. Tonight we shall drink, and we shall laugh, and we shall surely weep; and then tomorrow we will all continue to live and laugh and love and cry without him.

It is only right that the sky open up today, for him.

I gave Romana the day off; I wanted to keep busy until tonight and waiting tables is just the right type of normalcy my life needs so badly right now. War gods in the basement, dreams come walking in the spare room, a daughter that can create with a thought and the devil in the details... my life may never be normal again but tea is a soothing constant.

With a sigh, I pin up my hair and smooth out my grey dress. I'll put on colors later tonight, I still have Lucien's turquoise shirt, that will do. I sit down at the window table with my tea and stare out the window at nothing in particular as the few tables of customers I have provide a pleasing drone of noise in the background.

Open to Mab, Fiona and Dana

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I do not even have time to turn towards the icebox to get the cream when Fiona is already bouncing on her heels. "What's the secret?"

I laugh a little again, and swing her up to sit on a stool. Now we are eye level.

"Well, your pony, Sparkle? I know who gave her to you." I inform her with a sly grin, and turn towards the icebox to start gathering ingredients. I don't think he'd mind me telling her now.

Miss Wanda can still pick me up, but only 'cause she's really strong. She swings me up onto a stool and starts working.

And she says the secret is about Sparkle! I don't get to ride Sparkle too much at a time 'cause she's got horseshoes now and it makes me feel itchy when I ride her, but I still like braiding her mane and brushing her and taking care of her. She's the best pony ever!

"Who? Did you?" I bounce off the stool where Miss Wanda put me and go over to her. "Who was it?"

I've retrieved the whipping cream and the sour cream, all we need is the sugar---

"Who? Did you?" She's up and off the stool and next to me again. "Who was it?"

Feel my throat close up a little even as I smile and fetch the powdered sugar down from the cabinet. "Doctor Constantine did, sweetling." I manage to say without crying or tripping over the words. "You were having such a rough summer last year, and he wanted to do something nice to make you smile..." And he did. "He hid and waited to see your face when you saw her. He told me how happy you were, and swore me to secrecy." I inform her as I hand her the whisk and start putting the ingredients together in a bowl.

I gasp. "It was the doctor? Really?" I think my mouth is still open even though I'm grinning at Miss Wanda because I'm so surprised. "That was nice! It was the best present ever! The best!" I bounce down from the stool and take the whisk from Miss Wanda. Don't whisk too hard or it'll make everything fly all over! "Does he still want it to be a secret? I won't tell him that you told if you don't want me to."

She is so happy that I could weep. Lucien, damn you. You should have been here to see this. I hope you still can, wherever that path down the mountain and into the village led. I manage to discretely dab at the corner of my eyes as Fiona whisks the cream.

"Does he still want it to be a secret? I won't tell him that you told if you don't want me to."

Oh. Oh. She does not know, and why should she? We all try so hard to make her world a happy and a lovely one, how dare death come and sully it.

I very gently coax the whisk from her hand and set the bowl to the side.

"Fiona..." Give her a watery smile as I kneel down and take her hands. "I told you that because... a bunch of us went to the Abbey to help Nanshe end the bad dreams that everyone was having. Lucien as well and ..." I take a deep breath. "Lucien died, sweetling. That's why I am so sad today. I miss him very much, and I thought telling you and seeing how happy he made you would help cheer me up. And it did." I assure her, giving her hands a quick squeeze.

Miss Wanda takes the whisk out of my hand and…uh-oh. Grownups never look like that unless something is wrong. What's wrong?

"He died?" I blink. "He died?" I stop talking 'cause I don't know what else I can say. He gave me Sparkle but he…died? I was just all happy and now….I'm not. "I - I'm sorry?" I blink, and hold onto Miss Wanda's hands really tight. And then I stop holding her hands and hug her really hard, because she looks so so sad.

I'm sad too. And I don't know what to do about it.

"Oh sweetling, it's alright," I assure her as I hug her back. "He died to help and save a great many people." Somehow knowing that makes his passing a little less painful. Not much, but some.

Take a deep breath and kiss her cheek and stand up.

"Alright pixie girl, I told you my secret. Now lets get this cream and scones out to your guests." I get a plate ready, and hand it to her. "You take that out while I check on Rose, okay?" I hold open the curtain and clear my throat loudly so they know she is coming back out.

"Oh sweetling, it's alright," I assure her as I hug her back. "He died to help and save a great many people."

"No it's not!" I know I'm not supposed to talk back to grownups because it's not right, and it's not nice to do it either when Miss Wanda's sad, but it's not all right! The doctor died!

I sniffle and gulp and try not to make Miss Wanda any more sad than she already is, and I keep hugging her, too, till she pulls away.

"Alright pixie girl, I told you my secret. Now lets get this cream and scones out to your guests." I get a plate ready, and hand it to her. "You take that out while I check on Rose, okay?"

"Um. Okay?" I take the plate 'cause if I didn't it would drop, and sniffle again. I guess I have to take it out? So I go sideways around Miss Wanda, out into the room, even though I'm still sniffling.

I think that people who can't believe in fairies aren't worth knowing. ~Tori Amos

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