estdeus_innobis | (no subject)

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{Early Evening- Tuesday, 29th June ~ Day 394}
{Crossroads DanceHall}

Tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time
I feel alive
And the world turning inside out, yeah
And floating around in ecstasy, so
Don't stop me now
Don't stop me
'Cuz I'm having a good time, having a good time

It is finally time to open the doors.
The lights are on- thanks to a couple folks from the fair who came out to help me with 'em. And the musics' done warming up now- sounds of instruments tuning and and the player's psyching each other up have given over to songs playing and feet stomping along.
A few brave souls have opened the dancing and there are mostly smiles all around.

So far so good.

A lot of the younger set know me by now from hiring them for the clean-up, and I put up some signs around town, so hopefully we'll have a good turn out.
And now that the greater part of the haying is done, people are in a good mood. People like to dance and come out and see each other when they're happy. Even in a strange town like this that holds true.

Smooth my skirt as I circle the floor towards the drink stand. I'll probably take a few turns of my own tonight, but mostly my job is to meet people who don't know me yet and get them to like me enough to come back. If the night continues like this, I do think it'll turn out fine.

The band starts another song, and I find my smile is genuine.

(The DanceHall is open to all! Come on in and have fun!)

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Oh what the bloody 'ell. 'Ave I got somethin' on me face? Lean over the punchbowl to see my reflection in the shiny side of it, but nah, I look good. Look back at the teenage idiot who's starin' at me. Would be quite good looking if he didn't have the expression of a calf. Wish I could give 'im a piece of my mind, so I just scowl at 'im a bit.

She glares at me, and oh, it must be her, I remember her looking at me like that. It's how I remember her, except. So very except.

I look at her a moment longer. "Where's your sister?" My voice cracks a bit in my surprise, like it was still breaking, like this body was younger than it is. Can she talk, now?

Look at 'im, a bit puzzled. Don't recognise 'im. 'Ave we done a readin' for 'im, maybe? If we did I bet 'e was askin' about some girl 'e fancied. Somethin' borin' like that. At 'ome, I mouth, if 'e can manage to understand that.

It takes me a moment to understand what she's saying. Yes, but how? "How--" I start, and then think: this is ridiculous.

I'm sure I can still do it. I've remembered so much. But I feel clumsy and thick-headed when I push my mind out towards her, like reaching out a hand, push a bit at the edge of her. Can she feel it? I used to be able to do this so delicately, but now I'm blundering. Faith, I think, but I don't know if she can understand.

Stumbles into me brain like a drunk into a bar door.

Faith.

Who the bloody 'ell're you? I think back, startled. Feel of 'im's a bit familiar, some'ow, but also not. Feels like 'is brain's a bit - ragged round the edges or somethin'. Maybe 'e was dropped on 'is 'ead as a baby.

Who the bloody 'ell're you?

Micah. I wondered if it would feel wrong, here inside our minds, like a lie. It doesn't. What happened to you? I'm only used to talking to Iblis like this, and it feels - strange. More intimate than I've ever thought to be with Faith, like skin against skin.

Don't remember you. I'd remember someone who 'ad a gift like mine. Never 'ad anyone in me 'ead who weren't Hope. (Or Management, but I don't reckon I want t'think about that now.) Feels - strange. Vulnerable. Dunno if I like it. 'S a relief, though, to be able to talk easily. I like that. And 'e don't even 'ave to be touchin' me to talk to me, which I ain't never 'ad before either. Where've we met?

The Carnival. It's true. (It's so much harder to lie, here.) It's strange to see her looking older than me. I remember when she looked so young. When they did.

You were - different. You and your sister. How did they.... What did you do?

...If I let her know who I am, she'll tell Syl. I keep that thought away from her very carefully. That much I can manage, at least.

Can feel 'im trying t'keep somethin' from me. 'S strange. But I don't pry, cos there's plenty o'me I don't want a stranger pokin' around in neither.

Got ourselves fixed up, fer a price I think, and stare at him to see if he'll challenge me on that. Don't need to explain meself to some kid. You want t'dance? I add. We're at a party, after all.

A price. Iblis? - and I feel a strange sort of anger towards him. You want t'dance?

I can work out dancing, I'm sure, between my memories and her mind against mine. Though I never danced much, of course, as Tez. "Alright," I say aloud. "I don't - walk well, though." I never imagined I'd dance with Faith. Valmont will be pleased, I think.

"I don't - walk well, though."

If y'remember who I am, y'know I couldn't even think t'dance until a few weeks ago, I think at him, so it don't bother me, luvvie. Go out onto the floor, an' after a bit I laugh, cos you ain't much good at this, are yer, luv? I think, but not meanly. 'S quite nice, 'avin' someone to dance with who I can talk to at the same time.

I'm very bad at it, I think. Her laugh in my mind sounds different from how it used to sound to me.

I'm not. I'm following her as much as I can, and it's easier because I'm in her mind, but then I have confused moments where I think I have both my feet and hers and get myself tangled.

(She'd be so angry if she knew who-- Keep that thought far away, yes.)

My foot hurts, quite a lot, but I don't mind. The dancing helps me not think about the conversation with Valmont - and it's nice to have a girl smiling at me like this, too. The thought is a little confusing, and I step on her foot. I'm sorry!

Edited 2012-03-23 21:37 (UTC)

'E steps on my foot, but I don't care too much. Still like the novelty o'bein' able t'dance. Smile at 'im a bit, cos it ain't bad, dancin' with a reasonable lookin' bloke an' wearin' a pretty dress an' no one lookin' at me like I'm a freak.

Don't worry. 'S easy, really. Yer'll learn.

'E's a bit better by the time the dance finishes, an' I smile an' laugh an' give 'im a little curtsey.

You can get me a glass o'punch t'make up fer standin' on me foot, I tell 'im, an' I smile.

Faith's definitely better company than she used to be. She's prettier, as well. Maybe because she's less stressed or bitter, now that she's not attached to Hope?

I bring her a glass of punch, though I look for Valmont while I'm doing it, because I want him to see that I'm talking to someone and I also don't want him to think I'm drinking too much punch. The older part of me laughs at that thought, remembering how much Tez-I drank.

I offer her the cup. "Do you like me talking to you aloud -" or like this?

Edited 2012-03-24 19:56 (UTC)

Scurries off an' gets me it. Reckon 'e likes me. Well, so 'e should. Makes me grin a bit to meself though. Bet he'd be crap in bed, but it's not like Peter's 'ere an' most other blokes 'ere seem to 'ave dates, so maybe I'll give 'im a tumble just for a bit o'fun.

"Do you like me talking to you aloud -" or like this?

Sip me punch.

Don't mind. 'Ave you always bin able to talk to people like this? Yer the first person I've done this with, 'cept my sister. I can't do it with no one else. Always thought it was just a thing we could do cos we was joined an' twins an' that. Smile at 'im. Sort of nice, yeah?

I don't remember Faith smiling at me like that before. My memories of her are vague, though, at least the older ones. I remember her being angry with me.

I nod. Sort of. I used to be able to do something like it, and other things, but then - something bad happened. To me. And I...forgot a lot of things, for a while. My mind flinches away from the memory of dying, how much it hurt. I think she can probably feel the flinch, though not what caused it. I press my fingers against my temple, rub a bit. I think I will never be how I was. It's true, in so many ways. But I remember more, now.

Feel bad for 'im, poor kid. Bit stupid to start with I reckon, then 'e gets all, what would Doc call it, traumatised. Link me arm with 'is consolin'ly. 'S alright. Reckon if yer really need to remember, it'll come back. Maybe me an' Hope can read yer cards sometime, see if we can see yer past if you want.

...Because that ended well, before. It's a dry sort of thought. Oh, I remember that.

But she's slipped her arm through mine. Thank you, to be polite. I don't want to see it. I'm learning to - be new, now. I wonder suddenly if Iblis will be angry about that. Surely he wants me how I was before I died, how I briefly was when he made me remember. Possessed by my old self, like Micah's body was possessed by me. Maybe I don't need to remember. And -

I think of showing her the flower of fire, how pretty it was, how Alice screamed. And then I worry it will remind her too much of the old Tez, who could shape fire. It scares people, when I remember the things I could do, I say instead. I look at her thoughtfully: It scares some people, doesn't it, what you and Hope can do? I've seen it, with marks at the Carnival. When they see too true.

It scares people, when I remember the things I could do. It scares some people, doesn't it, what you and Hope can do?

Yeah. But then, people were scared of us even without th'cards, I point out. Or disgusted. Least now if someone starts trouble with us we'll 'ave a better chance of standin' up fer ourselves. Reckon I might take up boxin', I add, cos why not? Think I could do pretty well at it, yeah. So you've got gifts as well? Not just talkin' like this, eh?

Disgusted. Yes: revulsion. No wonder she looks happier, prettier. I think that I am happy for her, and Hope.

Though I not sure that Faith needs any more training in hitting people.

Gifts It's the wrong word. They're part of what I am, what I was made to be. They're not - gifts. Things I can do, yes. I can - fix myself, when I remember how. I touch my nose, the slight bump and crookedness of it that Iblis left. Some other things, though they're - hazy.

You can 'eal yerself? I say. Reach out an' stroke me finger along 'is nose. It's a bit bumpy. Got a few things to learn still, eh? Smile a bit. Useful skill to 'ave, though. We 'ad a doc who could 'eal with a touch, but 'e can't do it no more. Look at 'im thoughtfully. You ever 'ad sex, Micah? Don't take this badly, but y'look like a bloke who might not've 'ad much experience, but if you know 'ow things work maybe we can shag. Bin about a week since I saw Peter, an' 'e's a nice kid an' that, if a bit young.

Her finger on my nose makes me feel a bit strange. Warm. Though her mention of Lucien makes me feel guilty, remembering what Valmont said.

"You ever 'ad sex, Micah? Don't take this badly, but y'look like a bloke who might not've 'ad much experience, but if you know 'ow things work maybe we can shag."

I like that she says it plainly. It's sensible. Val was surprised when I was straightforward about that. Yes, I say, before - things happened. And a bit since then. With Iblis. I have the shadows of Micah's memories of sex with his wife, and of course the Tez-memories --

--Syl would be angry, wouldn't she? And Faith wouldn't like it, if she found out who I am. I wonder if Iblis would mind. It's hard to know with Iblis, often. "I've been walking out with a girl," I say out loud, then, but we haven't really. Not like I think she means. Only her hand. Does that make a difference to you wanting to? I'm pleased with myself of thinking to ask that, if she minds that I've been seeing someone else. It's a sensible sort of conversation.

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