"...Marie died like that?" I shake my head; not to disagree, but - "I can't talk about that," I say. He says he misses Marie, and I swallow a little. To bring the dead to life / Is no great magic. But it's a terrible one.
"She was dead, and then she wasn't, but she was different," I say. "Like you, I suppose." Except she's gone now; that other Marie never was, even if I remember her and that other life with sometimes painful clarity. And he's still here. But he's not the Tez he once was either. I believe that. I just don't know what he is, or what risk he is.
"Should I stop myself loving him - her - then?"
"You can't just turn off feelings," I say. "But that doesn't mean you give in to them either. Even if you love someone, it isn't always a good reason to be with them. Look at Wanda," I add, because now I realise he knows - knew - who her husband was. "I don't know if I could love like this, if I had. Him, or - other people. You gave me that."
There is a little pain in my breast, hearing that.
"Then I am glad," I say softl, and I am.
"She can't give me that. Danika. A family, a - home. She will end everything, one day. That was my task, once. I don't know if it still is. I don't know many things, Valmont, though part of me's existed for - well. Since the beginning of worlds. I'm confused by so much. But she is so much to me. In everything she is."
"You sound different," I say. He does. Not like a lost boy any more. Perhaps this is what it's like for a god to grow up, and the thought makes me smile a little, but sadly. "I knew how to help Micah. Or I thought I knew some ways, at least." I don't think I can help Tez, or this Micah, or whoever he is, and it feels like a loss, somehow. "If you could choose how to be happy now, what would you want?" I don't know why it matters. I think I want to hope that he's not going to just hand himself over to something that exists for despair, and let himself be swallowed up. Even if that's what he wants, or deserves. I don't know.
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"She was dead, and then she wasn't, but she was different," I say. "Like you, I suppose." Except she's gone now; that other Marie never was, even if I remember her and that other life with sometimes painful clarity. And he's still here. But he's not the Tez he once was either. I believe that. I just don't know what he is, or what risk he is.
"Should I stop myself loving him - her - then?"
"You can't just turn off feelings," I say. "But that doesn't mean you give in to them either. Even if you love someone, it isn't always a good reason to be with them. Look at Wanda," I add, because now I realise he knows - knew - who her husband was. "I don't know if I could love like this, if I had. Him, or - other people. You gave me that."
There is a little pain in my breast, hearing that.
"Then I am glad," I say softl, and I am.
"She can't give me that. Danika. A family, a - home. She will end everything, one day. That was my task, once. I don't know if it still is. I don't know many things, Valmont, though part of me's existed for - well. Since the beginning of worlds. I'm confused by so much. But she is so much to me. In everything she is."
"You sound different," I say. He does. Not like a lost boy any more. Perhaps this is what it's like for a god to grow up, and the thought makes me smile a little, but sadly. "I knew how to help Micah. Or I thought I knew some ways, at least." I don't think I can help Tez, or this Micah, or whoever he is, and it feels like a loss, somehow. "If you could choose how to be happy now, what would you want?" I don't know why it matters. I think I want to hope that he's not going to just hand himself over to something that exists for despair, and let himself be swallowed up. Even if that's what he wants, or deserves. I don't know.