estdeus_innobis | (no subject)

Why I am here I do not know. Did we travel here? And where are my people? I don't know. Sit here I do on the shore and look at the sea, smell the salt air, and what I do know is this is a place of power. "Beware of serpents," said a man who walked past me not so long ago, but I have never had cause to fear them. If there are dragons in the water, let them come. For now I have nets to mend. I do not remember starting them, but they are in my hands and I somehow know the craft of it, and so I set to mending.

I was singing to CeeCee to get her to sleep, and she was babbling on about falling stars that were uncles, and we should go check to make sure they were alright and not hurt---

and now I am walking up a barren beach, sky slaten above me. I may be cast in a human body, but I still retain my Self. I know I was not on a shore a moment ago, so I must be dreaming. But it's so startling, the transition. I worry that I am not here due to just dozing off, but because I was put here.

Damnation.

I walk briskly up the shoreline, passing bones of great monstrosites washed up from decades ago... or days. I cast my gaze about, looking for My Lady or our daughter, wondering if they are here as well.

Presently, I find a woman of middling years, picking away at a net. I have seen her in town, but do not know her name... or if I am merely dreaming her or if she is here.

"Excuse me ma'am?" I call out pleasantly enough. "You have not seen a little red-haired girl and her mother, have you?"

A good looking sort of man, if you like that sort, comes strolling up the beach. He doesn't look like he's ever mended a net.

"Good day to you," I say. "No one I've seen, not for hours, save a little old man walking by. I hope you find them soon," I say. "A storm coming, I think there is," I say, nodding at the clouds.

It is an unpleasant beach, a northern sort of beach, not at all like the soft rivers I know. It is the sort of place you would run across if you were trying to wear out your steel shoes, all seven pair. Although of course I have a different goal in mind; I need some colour and matter for my face. It is plain and blank, now, and I am not sure who I am.

And I see two people on the beach ahead, bright and mobile against the sheaves and rolls of grey--green-grey, white-grey, cloud-grey.

"Lady," I say, dipping a courtesy to her and smiling. "And you, sir," I add to the man. "Do you plan to fish today?" I say to the woman. "I would buy the use of your net, if I may, or help you cast them. If you catch the right fish, here, I hear it may grant you a wish."

The woman tells me she has not seen Lilith or CeeCee, and I sigh and rake my hand though my hair, muttering a curse under my breath.

"A storm coming, I think there is,"

Look to the sky and inhale deeply. There is salt and brine in the air, but the wind brings the scent of blood and carnage. "It has been long coming, ma'am." I say, and can't help smiling slightly. My hands itch to turn into claws, and wings to unfurl from my back. I wonder if Lucien is dreamimg... and how lucid this dreaming may be?

"Lady, And you, sir," We are joined by a woman with the face of an unpainted china doll, all white and blank. She asks if we are going to fish, and mentions the tale of Ye Xian.

"I would watch what you wish for, you may just get it." I say, grinning, teeth sharper now. "And I think I would be wary of any creatures you may catch in that sea."

"It has been long coming, ma'am."

"Is it so?" I say. "Is that a prophecy, or an observation on the weather?"

A woman comes up, then. She's got a porcelain face, and wonder I do if she worries over falling, because a smashed face would be no easy thing to fix. The man gives her a supercilious smile, and I raise my brows.

"Know much of fishing, do you?" I look at the woman. "We can cast a net together. Though I think this sea is more full of serpents than fish, mayhap one can help you."

I know how to swim, and I’m usually pretty good at not panicking, but ice water pushing at my nose and mouth and turning me this way and that has me scrabbling for any kind of purchase. Something smooth and slick and a hundred times larger than my body brushes against me, shoving me out of the way as it slides past. I can’t see what it is, and I can’t go still in hopes that it won’t notice me. Can’t even make a sound.

The thing that could swallow me whole, that I can’t even open my eyes to see, moves on. I fight my way towards what feels like up, and my head breaks the surface at last. I raise one hand to clear my eyes, trying to get a look around me as they sting. There are cliffs in the distance. This is not the open sea, thank God. And I do know how to swim.

When my arms feel like they cannot possibly keep moving for one more stroke, the beach is there, all small, sharp stones. I lie gasping on them, the wind around me pulling at my clothes. It’s cold, but it’s not water. I push myself up to my knees, then my feet, which are bare, of course, my boots kicked off in the water long ago.

There are people in the distance, I can see. Here, someone must be better than no one. I push my hair out of my eyes and begin picking my way toward them.

He shows teeth like a fish, but it is not enough to be like a fish. You have to be drawn from the sea, you have to make wrists ache and the salt cut lines into tired hands. "I would watch what you wish for, you may just get it."

"You don't say," I say politely. "Well, when I get what I wish for, I may permit you to see it." Although I have masks for such things, frankly, and I do not think I will show a sharp-toothed man my face simply because he would watch it.

""Know much of fishing, do you?" the woman says, and I dip my head a little to one side, lift one hand. "I have had to learn, madam. I need to earn my wishes, after all."

"We can cast a net together. Though I think this sea is more full of serpents than fish, mayhap one can help you."

"Maybe that one can," I say, smiling. "They are not so different, sometimes. Both are scaled and both can speak, and neither ever blink. I imagine they see many things." I look towards the sea (http://community.livejournal.com/estdeus_innobis/405311.html?#t10236735), and I see a ragged shape dragging itself onto the sand, and I blink and then add "Excuse me a moment," and step down towards the shore. If nothing else I would see to it that he does not drown--the waves might yet pull him back.

He is picking himself up ragged and dripping, and he gets to his feet as I approach, closing the distance between us. So he is on his feet, which cannot be pleasant.

"Good day," I say politely. I wonder for a moment if he is a fish, but a fish could swim better, I think. Although he is walking across the beach as if it were knives under his feet... I hope he can talk.

"Have you come far? Here," and I take off my jacket and hold it out to him. It will not quite fit him, I think, but he should at least shield him a little from the wind, and perhaps he can shed some of his dripping clothes.

"Is that a prophecy, or an observation on the weather?" It is tempting, to switch into my demon form and tell her prophecy, but I need to find Lilith and CeeCee, and then Lucien.

"Merely a feeling deep in my bones." I shrug, and keep listening as the woman and the china doll speak of fishing and serpents. Something at thye edge of the surf catches out eyes, and it looks like a ragged man is dragging himself from the depths of the ocean. China doll goes down to check on him, and I turn to the woman. "Wonder if he's the sort that grants wishes?" I ask, smiling slightly.

Walking isn’t working so well, because my legs won’t stop shaking and the cold, gray rocks prickle at my feet, an insistent pain that does not help. But I am here, and not in the sea, which I still cannot bring myself to turn and look at.

There is someone coming toward me, a woman, I think, though her face is a blank in every sense of the word. There’s still salt in my eyes, making it hard to see clearly. She wishes me a good day, and I nod. My throat feels too raw to talk just now.

She asks have I come far, and then surprises me by shrugging out of her coat and offering it to me. I blink at it for a moment and then reach out to take it. I clear my throat, because if she’s helping me, the least I can do is say something. “Thank you.”

It’s a well-made jacket, dry and still warm from her. I shuck off the remains of my shirt and pull it on. “Have to know where I am to know how far I’ve come.”

I am back in Pontarlier and yet and yet I am not. I flow along with the water as we rush down to the the other river and then I am flowing into it, along with it, down to the next river where I can touch the boats. I think of Harman and his family. People with the River in their blood.

I follow the boats down to the sea. It feels different, tastes different. I struggle to follow the boats. There is only one now. I move closer to it realizing that I am swimming now, like I did in the River with Karina. I can feel my arms and legs but also the water. It is as if I am more water than flesh. That my shape is only that. A shape to contain me because my water is not the same as the sea for all that it too flows in me. Through me.

"Thank you," he says, and he sounds absolutely terrible, but at least he can speak. It cannot be easy to speak through a throat crusted raw with salt, and I nod as he gets rid of his shirt. "Have to know where I am to know how far I've come."

"Fair," I say lightly. "This is the beach where the woman mends her nets, and where if you catch a fish it might grant you a wish. She and I," and I wave up towards the woman, still with the sharp-toothed man standing there, "shall be casting her nets later." I look down at the beach, such as it is, making note of where there are larger stones that are easier to step on. Crossing the beach would still be meandering and slow, but it might hurt less.

"I myself have come a long way to get here, though I do not know if this place has a name. I have only followed directions, east of the sun and west of the moon." I pick up his shirt, the wet and threaded tatters of it, and turn it over in my fingers. "She thinks, as well, that there may be serpents in the water," I add. "Did you see anything as you came here?"

What she tells me of where I am helps not at all, but maybe it’s all she knows of this place. “I came from the sea,” I tell her, which is true enough. Before then, I can’t say. “There are serpents in the water, or something like them.” Dag gadol. And why that name is in my head I don’t know. “Bigger than your nets, and not likely to grant any wishes, I think.”

"I came from the sea," he says, and I nod. And then he tells me of the things moving inside it, great and old, and my heart sinks a little.

"Well then," I say thoughtfully. "I shall have to be careful. But fishes or serpents, I must have my wish; I must have my face back, and I know no other way to get it, now." The shirt is beginning to dry, and the long strips of it glitter with salt. I twine them together in my fingers, fold up the pieces of the yoke and sleeves into soles--thin ones, but better than nothing--and knot the twined strips around them into a rough lace.

"Perhaps there is some other way to catch them," I say, handing him the sandals. "Will you come with me to tell her of the serpents you saw?" I gesture up the beach towards the woman.

I am a witch, dark-eyed, afire.

I am salt, brittle, purifying.

I am water, protean, cleansing.

I am a sea, tempestuous, life-giving.

I am a fish, cold-eyed, wisdom-granting.

I am a serpent, sharp toothed, wise.

(I am really a witch)

She sounds determined, and as she tells me of her search for her…face, she’s working at my shirt, tearing and twisting and knotting the remains of the fabric until she’s made a rough pair of shoes. She holds them out to me, and I take them, slip them on. “Thank you.” The thin layers do offer some protection.

“I’ll come with you. Haven’t exactly seen them, though.” Felt, maybe, and then there’s a memory of a gaping mouth and sickening warmth swallowing me down. My stomach turns, and I double over, retching. Nothing comes up but sea water and bile. After a moment, I can stand and wipe my mouth and try to clear my burning throat.

And my coracle has come through the waves, down the swells of the sea, and I see a shore aside me but I am not going there yet, not yet. The lacquer and gears have stood up well to the salt, and I do not wish to run aground, I should not stop, I must not stop. But I see another woman, paler even than I am dark, and with her in the water and myself on it, we are keeping pace a moment.

"Lady!" I say, because it never hurts be polite, and I am hardly going to call her hey you. "Are you alright? Would you like to come aboard?"

The young woman comes back up the beach with a young man, half drowned. Wind is whipping up the beach now, and we should get inside, but I realise I do not know if there is anywhere for us to go.

"Hail," I say to the young man. "Did you plan to drown yourself, or was it an accident?" I look at the woman. "Finished mending I have now. We can fish, if you wish it."

I swim beside the boat, one hand reaching to brush its shining side. A voice calls out from above, "Lady! I raise my head to look up and see a girl on the boat, her dark hair is very short. Are you alright? Would you like to come aboard?

I have never seen her before, and she has questions! I smile happily up at her before answering," Yes, I am well. And I would very much like to come aboard your boat? or is it a ship?"

"Yes, I am well," she says, and she doesn't sound winded from swimming, which is good. "And I would very much like to come aboard your boat? or is it a ship?"

"She's a boat," I say, laughing a little--not at her, just from gladness for company. "I couldn't build a whole ship, although maybe someday I shall. Come aboard, then," and I lean back to balance the Heterodyne, because my coracle is quite sturdy but still small. There will be room enough for the two of us to sit, though.

"My name is Zann, Tereixa Zann, but just Zann's fine," I say, holding out my hand. "I am the youngest of seven children and the youngest of three daughters, and so I am travelling to see what I can find. Who are you?"

Dancing. I'm dancing in the sky! I wish Daddy was here, I know Mommy is cos we're flying and I can't fly by myself. Look! There's lots of water and its green, and there's a boat like in a picture! There's big snakes and other things in the water too, but I'm not afraid of them. I've seen lots, even a fire one who got mad at me cos I asked if he was my pony. There's people down there too! "Ohh! Can I go down?" I ask Mommy. She'll probably say "No, not yet." like she always does.

Wait.. I'm floating down! She's not here! I hope she doesn't catch me.

The rocks are cold but the water is colder and it fizzes! Jumping up and down in it makes it warmer though. No more yelling when it touches my feet. The wind hits my face and I can smell ... Daddy?!

"Daddy!" I laugh and yell, running in the not too high water, spinning like Mommy does so he knows I'm ok.

The girls laughs and tells me this is a boat. She moves back away from the edge and invites me up again. I have some trouble getting into the boat but Zann, as she introduces herself helps me. I was not wearing anything while I was in the water but as soon as I am out of it a fine white nightdress filled with water covers me. She also tells me a bit about herself.

I smile as I arrange my hair so that I will not be sitting on it. "My name's Leah," I tell her and then more words slip out without me having thought of them first. "I was born of no man or woman and I sought the sea because that is what rivers do." Why did I say that?

Edited 2011-03-14 00:15 (UTC)

We make it back up the beach to the two others, a fellow I don’t like the look of and an older woman with nets gathered around her. She gives me an owlish look. “It was a plan, but none of mine,” I answer her. “And if you catch anything in these waters, you may wish you could throw it back.” It hurts to talk, and I’m terribly thirsty, but there’s no fresh water in sight.

This is all well and good, but dreams can be tedious when they are not yours. All symbols and half formed ideas. I turn a deaf ear to fishing as I look up the beach towards the cliffs. I can forget this being human thing and fly up there---

Daddy! My head whips around at the sound of CeeCEe's voice. She is a whiry-gig at the edge of the water, spinning and splashing and laughing. My smile spreads to match hers, and I run down to the water and scoop her up, spinning her about above my head.

"That's one mystery solved!" I laugh, kissing her forehead. "Where is your mother, kitling?" I ask, nuzzling her hair with my face as I walk back from the water. Since this is dxream, I warm up and dry our clothes as we walk.