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Sep. 10th, 2010 09:34 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
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Friday, about 5pm
It's another dreary day, which has suited my mood. My conversation with Glass gave me a lot to think about. I talked to Tess a little about Wanda's baby, but I want to think about it more before I suggest anything we might do to protect ourselves - and it. From what I know of how the Devil fell, It chose to turn away from God. It chose evil over good - but it was a free choice that could have gone another way. It was once the brightest of all those who loved God. Mightn't this child - he or she or it, whatever it is - be able to make the same choice? Mightn't it be able to choose differently than its father did, and that its mother did? I hope so. I hope. So I'll keep thinking about what might be done, and then decide who to talk to about it. I don't think we have much time.
Thinking of Wanda's pregnancy makes me think, more prosaically, of Glass. It's funny how her troubles weigh with me as heavily as those Wanda could bring us all. Maybe it's selfish of me - I should be more worried about what Wanda's pregnancy could do to this town. But I might be able to do Glass some good, and that's a practical sort of comfort amidst all these - metaphysical concerns. I'll speak to Dorian, I've decided. I dread the idea of it after everything that happened between us, but he's obviously too much of a coward to face Glass, and she needs him. And if him avoiding her has anything to do with what happened between us, I want to find out and to put things right.
Because I know I'll be seeing Dorian later, I get dressed quite carefully this morning. I don't care if he likes how I look, but I know he'll be snide about it if I'm not dressed well. He'll probably be snide anyway, but I hardly want to give him ammunition. My navy coat dress is a good choice, I think - it suits my shape, but it's too businesslike for him to think I'm trying to attract his attention, which I certainly am not.
When five o'clock comes I shut up the shop, and after refreshing my lipstick I walk purposefully down Main Street and then Silk Road to his store. I know his opening hours are erratic, but hopefully I will find him.
I push open the door, hearing the bell chime, and wait to see if anyone will come out.
[OPEN to DORIAN]
[closed]
It's another dreary day, which has suited my mood. My conversation with Glass gave me a lot to think about. I talked to Tess a little about Wanda's baby, but I want to think about it more before I suggest anything we might do to protect ourselves - and it. From what I know of how the Devil fell, It chose to turn away from God. It chose evil over good - but it was a free choice that could have gone another way. It was once the brightest of all those who loved God. Mightn't this child - he or she or it, whatever it is - be able to make the same choice? Mightn't it be able to choose differently than its father did, and that its mother did? I hope so. I hope. So I'll keep thinking about what might be done, and then decide who to talk to about it. I don't think we have much time.
Thinking of Wanda's pregnancy makes me think, more prosaically, of Glass. It's funny how her troubles weigh with me as heavily as those Wanda could bring us all. Maybe it's selfish of me - I should be more worried about what Wanda's pregnancy could do to this town. But I might be able to do Glass some good, and that's a practical sort of comfort amidst all these - metaphysical concerns. I'll speak to Dorian, I've decided. I dread the idea of it after everything that happened between us, but he's obviously too much of a coward to face Glass, and she needs him. And if him avoiding her has anything to do with what happened between us, I want to find out and to put things right.
Because I know I'll be seeing Dorian later, I get dressed quite carefully this morning. I don't care if he likes how I look, but I know he'll be snide about it if I'm not dressed well. He'll probably be snide anyway, but I hardly want to give him ammunition. My navy coat dress is a good choice, I think - it suits my shape, but it's too businesslike for him to think I'm trying to attract his attention, which I certainly am not.
When five o'clock comes I shut up the shop, and after refreshing my lipstick I walk purposefully down Main Street and then Silk Road to his store. I know his opening hours are erratic, but hopefully I will find him.
I push open the door, hearing the bell chime, and wait to see if anyone will come out.
[OPEN to DORIAN]
[closed]
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Date: 2010-09-11 07:52 am (UTC)And I'm suddenly thinking of Glass, as I move about the kitchen, wondering how big she's gotten though it really hasn't been so long since I've seen her. It certainly won't be long before she's truly showing, and no time at all after that until the baby truly starts moving, kicking. The child isn't mine, of course, and yet no matter how many times I remind myself of that fact, I can't stop my mind from wandering towards her, Iago, the child growing in her belly that will look of them but perhaps, yes perhaps, call me daddy.
"Fuck," I all but shout as the chiming over the outer door brings me back to the boiling water I wasn't minding. It's spilled over and I'm just standing there for a moment, annoyed over so many things that have nothing to do with the already healed burn on my hand, before I finally pull myself away enough to shout out of the bedroom. "Just one moment!"
A little dinner before heading God knows where, that's all I was after, and it's just another symptom of my over-worked mind, that's what I convince myself after tossing the pot in the sink. I have too much on me right now, that's why I'm so easily distracted. Too much stress, too many thoughts really; all the more reason to take a break, perhaps head back to the carnival once I've eaten and crack into that bottle of whiskey I was eying this morning. I know I can't stay there indefinitely, my welcome will wear eventually, but a few more days. Yes, just a few more days of peace and quiet and black-out drunkenness, that's all I need.
First, there's the customer to deal with. It's my own fault, really, as I forgot to flip the sign to closed and sent Winnie off on an errand besides. It won't kill me to do a little work, though. Well, at least it won't stick. Never does.
"All right, then," I say, forcing a bit of cheer into my smile as I come from the bedroom, still wiping my hands. "How can I-" The effort was wasted, I soon see, with the smile vanishing at the sight of the woman at the door. I should be sharp, I would love to give in to that urge, but for all the cutting words that come to mind, none of them want to come out. It seems that my mind has gone a little fuzzy, some thankfully forgotten memory teasing at the back. A few blinks, trying to find something to say, before I can finally latch onto anything at all. "You have my watch..."
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Date: 2010-09-11 10:46 am (UTC)"You have my watch..."
"I do," I say, though I don't offer it to him. He can ask for it, which I'm sure is petty of me but really, he's a grown man and I'm not here to coddle him. "I hope you're well," I say. "Glass has been worried about you."
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Date: 2010-09-15 01:26 am (UTC)“Is that why you’re here?” A sigh and I’ve rounded the counter, off to the side. It’s all under some guise of tidying up, straightening a few papers by the register and brushing aside a few stray fleck of dust, though I doubt the attempt is fooling anyone. “Oh, Kate,” I realize a moment too late that I‘ve called her by her first name. There‘s nothing to do but press on as though nothing happened, of course. “I would say meddling was beneath you, but we both know that’s not the case.” I look her way, finally it seems like, after a long while of doing anything but. “It’s what you do, isn’t it?”
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Date: 2010-09-15 02:53 pm (UTC)“Is that why you’re here? Oh, Kate, I would say meddling was beneath you, but we both know that’s not the case. It’s what you do, isn’t it?”
"Not really," I say calmly, and then I realise he didn't call me Miss O'Hara. My pulse stutters a bit, so I clasp my hands in front of me and look as grave as I can. "Glass is my best friend," I say. "And apart from Tess, the person I love best. Naturally I'm concerned if she's unhappy." I give him a long look. "If you've changed your mind about how you feel about her, or - Iago," I say, feeling myself flush a bit to bring up their unusual arrangement, "you should at least be decent enough to tell her."
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Date: 2010-09-16 09:59 pm (UTC)The shop is something past clean, Winnie obviously still doing her job well, and so there isn't much for me to do to busy myself, beyond dust already clean counters with an off-hand, tidy various knickknacks an inch or two to this side or that. "As for Glass being unhappy... She knows how I feel about her. And I've yet to give her a reason to think otherwise. If she tells you different, then it's nothing she's talked to me about." Hmm, those scissors look out of place, don't they?
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Date: 2010-09-17 08:26 am (UTC)He's really very agitated. He must feel guilty, despite what he says, and so I just look at him.
"As for Glass being unhappy... She knows how I feel about her. And I've yet to give her a reason to think otherwise. If she tells you different, then it's nothing she's talked to me about."
"Oh, for goodness sake," I say, exasperated, his childishness ruining my attempts at calm. "Anyone who cares about her can tell she's not alright. She hasn't been complaining about you. Glass isn't like that. But it's obvious her feelings are hurt." I fold my arms. "And I don't think she does know how you feel. How can she when you keep avoiding her?"
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Date: 2010-09-18 09:22 pm (UTC)"Obvious? Yes, so very obvious that only you can see it?" I roll my eyes and let her continue, because I really don't have much choice in the matter. "And I don't think she does know how you feel. How can she when you keep avoiding her?"
"I am not avoiding her," comes out rather quickly, rag tossed on the counter with a heavy hand. "I saw her just the other day. Perhaps you should rethink your definitions. Obvious, avoiding..." All right, I'm nitpicking, stalling for whatever reason. Damn it. I pause, shake my head, and try a more direct approach. "She's not unhappy, she's pregnant. She's bound to be a little touchy."
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Date: 2010-09-19 10:59 pm (UTC)"It's hardly my fault if you're unobservant," I say tartly, and then he's pushing on with his excuses. I'm really getting quite exasperated now.
"She's not unhappy, she's pregnant. She's bound to be a little touchy."
"She's pregnant, yes," I say. "And don't you think she's worried about why a man who might be - who might be the father of her child is doing his best not to spend any time with her? Oh, I know you've seen her," I say, before he can make another weak excuse. "Having some smiling conversation doesn't count as spending time with her and you know it. And believe me, I wouldn't be here if I wasn't truly worried," I say, and then I breathe out. "Dorian," I say, and I say it deliberately, quietly. "Don't be unkind to her. Please."
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Date: 2010-09-22 06:48 pm (UTC)"Dorian," she says then, and it stops me for all the wrong reasons, I think. "Don't be unkind to her. Please." I'm sitting after that, poised on a stool with the counter thankfully between us. This is not a conversation I want to have, not now and probably not ever. Coming from me, that's a considerable amount of time. "Oh yes, I have been so very unkind. Prepared to care for a child that isn't mine when her husband decided to forget her, removing said husband's murderous father for trying to kill her, draining my own accounts to make sure they should want for nothing..." I shake my head. "I am a very unkind man, Kate, but not in this."
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Date: 2010-09-22 07:03 pm (UTC)The corner of my mouth quirks up.
"From time to time. I manage to fit in running a business around it somehow."
"Oh yes, I have been so very unkind. Prepared to care for a child that isn't mine when her husband decided to forget her, removing said husband's murderous father for trying to kill her, draining my own accounts to make sure they should want for nothing... I am a very unkind man, Kate, but not in this."
I feel my jaw tighten, and I nearly ask how much of this is guilt because he beat her, but I don't. He sounds...tired.
"Then why?" I say quietly, and then I pause. "Is it - Iago you've tired of, maybe?" I ask cautiously. "And you don't want to hurt Glass by telling her?" It might make sense of things. I clasp my hands together. "Dorian - " I don't know what I want to say. "I don't think you're unkind by nature." I remember what he was like when he couldn't remember himself. I open my purse, and I take out his watch. I step forward, and I open his hand and put the watch in it. "I haven't forgotten how kind you were to me," I say, very quietly.
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Date: 2010-09-23 12:51 am (UTC)I'm frozen then, watching with what I hope is the blankest of expressions as she pulls out my pocket watch, places it in my palm. ""I haven't forgotten how kind you were to me." There's a crash - the stool tumbling to the floor - and I'm back a step, looking at my hand as though the watch was suddenly something poisonous. No. No. Her. I look up again, something odd stuck in my throat. "Whatever you think you know about me is a lie," I say and thank God there's conviction behind it. "A lie that's long since dead."
I take a breath, I need a drink but I settle for a breath, shoving the watch in my pocket as though that would be the end of it. "Speaking of running a business, I have some of that to do myself." Ignoring, of course, that it's closing time. "It was very kind-" Damn it. "Very nice of you to return the watch. I'll be sure to send something by Winnie next time she's out on errands. For your housewarming." At that I look at the door, hoping she'll just take the hint. Because if she doesn't... I have no idea what I'll do.
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Date: 2010-09-23 09:31 am (UTC)Diego, I think suddenly. Dorian was in love with Iago's brother, I'm certain of that all at once, thinking of the inscription on the watch, and I wonder how much all this business with Iago has been about that. But I don't say it.
He steps back suddenly, knocking a stool over, and I've never seen him so unpoised, not even when he couldn't remember who he was.
"Whatever you think you know about me is a lie. A lie that's long since dead." I don't know what I can say to that, and then he's carrying on as if nothing has happened, and clearly suggesting I should leave.
"I don't think I know anything about you," I say, shaking my head. "I just -" I bite my lip. "You weren't pretending to be a good man when we - when you had lost your memory. You were a good man." I feel frustrated, that there's something here I'm missing, and if I could just figure it out maybe things would be better for Glass. "Alright," I say, "I'll go. Just..." I shake my head, because I don't know what to say. "Goodbye, then." And for what I'm pretty sure is the first time I offer him my hand to shake.