Valmont is pulling me away, saying I can stay, but pulling me away. That's okay, I guess, because he said I could watch the snow and the angel man scares me, makes my skin crawl, but the big man's still right there, still so close so I nod along, trying to tug away to tell Gaueko to come sit with me where I can feel his shadow. Just until people leave, just until the fighting is good and stopped and none of it hurts my head anymore. But then he leaves, he leaves. He says I can stay too, for all that matters, and then he's in the shadows, like where he took me I think, and I can feel the tears well up in my eyes.
I want to do like I'm supposed to. I want to sit at the table and drink my cocoa and watch the snow. And it's not fair, not at all, that I can't. I can't just sit there, not with all the people fighting and the angel man looming tall over for when everybody dies. Somebody growls and I look over that way to see the big man stepping out like he does, with some lady glaring up at him. Except it's not a lady, kinda sorta not, because it's a big wolf like Johnny. Like Johnny and angry. What if she hurts him, what if something bad happens and the angel man has to take him to heaven and- and-
It's too much now, I think. The fight was supposed to be over. It wasn't so bad with the big man with me and was supposed to be over besides, but it's not. Not as much yelling now but all the colors are worse and the angel man is going to have to pick up everybody bit by bit with the way they want to kill at each other. I whimper and jerk away from Valmont at the same time, not wanting to be down here anymore. I don't like it. Too much.
"Gaueko..." I hear my own voice say, a whining sort of whisper that's more a kitten lost all alone than a girl with too many people around, with the wind rattling at the windows louder than before. "Make everybody stop yelling now."
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Valmont is pulling me away, saying I can stay, but pulling me away. That's okay, I guess, because he said I could watch the snow and the angel man scares me, makes my skin crawl, but the big man's still right there, still so close so I nod along, trying to tug away to tell Gaueko to come sit with me where I can feel his shadow. Just until people leave, just until the fighting is good and stopped and none of it hurts my head anymore. But then he leaves, he leaves. He says I can stay too, for all that matters, and then he's in the shadows, like where he took me I think, and I can feel the tears well up in my eyes.
I want to do like I'm supposed to. I want to sit at the table and drink my cocoa and watch the snow. And it's not fair, not at all, that I can't. I can't just sit there, not with all the people fighting and the angel man looming tall over for when everybody dies. Somebody growls and I look over that way to see the big man stepping out like he does, with some lady glaring up at him. Except it's not a lady, kinda sorta not, because it's a big wolf like Johnny. Like Johnny and angry. What if she hurts him, what if something bad happens and the angel man has to take him to heaven and- and-
It's too much now, I think. The fight was supposed to be over. It wasn't so bad with the big man with me and was supposed to be over besides, but it's not. Not as much yelling now but all the colors are worse and the angel man is going to have to pick up everybody bit by bit with the way they want to kill at each other. I whimper and jerk away from Valmont at the same time, not wanting to be down here anymore. I don't like it. Too much.
"Gaueko..." I hear my own voice say, a whining sort of whisper that's more a kitten lost all alone than a girl with too many people around, with the wind rattling at the windows louder than before. "Make everybody stop yelling now."