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"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

Day 147, Sunday October 26th
Just ready fer dinner
The Tavern of Hell

It's - it's bin an okay week. That Damien guy seemed pretty nice, though I haven't seen much 'a him since. I saw him buskin' with his guitar, which dunt seem like real work, 'specially in harvest season, but that's his business, I guess. I wanted t'go out t'the Carnival this week t'see if that Vic woman went out t'see Zann, 'cause I think they'd get 'long real well, but it's bin busy 'n I ain't had a chance.

I met three new people this week and if it hadn't bin fer Friday it would 'a bin nice. But I got a feelin' like the hound-god ain't too pleased with me fer carryin' off that girl. Mr. Laclos said her name was Alice, and he was real glad at me bringin' her back like that. He invited me in fer a cup 'a coffee, but I wanted t'get as far from the Silk Road as I could, knowin' the hound-god was out on the street. I skipped out the side 'n near ran all the way back t'my room.

Saturday I was workin' again. Mr. White wanted t'be greetin' people and doin' the councilman thing, 'n Rob was needed fer bakin', so it was me mindin' the stall at the market. It was okay, 'cept I could really go anywhere. I did chat with a few folk - I think the townies 'r gettin' more used t'havin' a couple 'v us wanderin' 'round. I dint see much 'a Tess though. She's bin spendin' lots 'a time with her friend Kate. I dunt think she's even really looked 'round fer a place t'stay 'r work t'do.

Sunday's my day, and I'm grateful fer it. I went t'the church this mornin'. It was okay, but way different than home. And their book's got some stuff that's different than the Book. I ain't sure theirs is a proper Bible, but I dint say nothin'. Spent the rest 'a the day cleanin' my room 'n loungin' 'bout on the bridge, just watchin' the water go by.

By the time the sun's started towards the horizon I'm hungry 'n ready fer food. I ain't gone t'the Tavern in ages, but I should be able t'get somethin' t'munch on and maybe a beer. They dint said nothin' when I was there with Luke, 'n I figure they dunt mind me bein' there. So off I go, steppin' into the dim room with the jukebox playin' in the back 'n one 'a the bartenders workin'. I order up 'n find myself a table near the door.

[Open]

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Busy with us too,You'd reckon folks'd be gearing up for winter, never mind moving around the place, but I guess they reckon they'll have a better chance of it in town than on the road.Ain't the same in Oakridge, mind," he says, "or the other towns on the route I been through. They ain't got the same thing with new folks. 's just Excolo. Johnny's nodding at that. Well it is one of the bigger an' more prosperous towns we've ever been in. That is a bit strange,/q> Johnny says and he's trying to catch Luke's eye. Wonder why. What aren't they saying?Maybe it's cause we're more open t'them?

I snort at that last."I bet it ain't the openness a the town they're after. It's that this is the most prosperous town with stuff that no one else's got but the cities."

"That is a bit strange," says Johnny, taking a drink. Reckon I'd say the sum of what's going on in Excolo makes it sorta worrying, and even Samuel's been saying we should be careful, else it won't always be so easy here. Johnny catches my eye. "Maybe it's cause we're more open t'them?"

Wrinkle my nose a bit. Dunno that it is, frankly, seems like there's something else going on here, and I think about them maps in Boku's attic with all the red dots spiralling in on Excolo and getting denser and denser. Maybe I'd tell him 'bout that if his friend weren't here, but I don't reckon she knows 'bout the gods and stuff, or 'bout Johnny, so I don't. "Could be," I say. 'bout to say more when Ri snorts. "I bet it ain't the openness a the town they're after. It's that this is the most prosperous town with stuff that no one else's got but the cities."

Guess she reckons she knows better'n Johnny, by the way she's looking, and I ain't so sure I like that. Shrug a bit. "Could be a whole load of things. Excolo's handy for moving on come spring, with the river and the road. You're right 'bout there being stuff here that ain't in other places, mind," I say. doubt I mean the same stuff she does. "Why'd the Carnival stay?" I ask. Maybe they got the same reasons, and I'm sorta curious now I'm actually talking to one.

Edited 2009-06-27 03:44 (UTC)

'Ri snorts at me, which kind 'a takes me back. "I bet it ain't the openness a the town they're after. It's that this is the most prosperous town with stuff that no one else's got but the cities." I'm thinkin' there's a connection 'tween the two, but I ain't goin' t'fight on it, 'specially since I think the Tower's got somethin' t'do with it. Luke's wrinkled his nose, 'n I guess he dunt agree either. "Could be," he says. "Could be a whole load of things. Excolo's handy for moving on come spring, with the river and the road. You're right 'bout there being stuff here that ain't in other places, mind," and I nod t'that. "Why'd the Carnival stay?"

I look over at 'Ri. I dunt know if she'll tell him - heck, all I know is they can't leave town fer some reason, and half the reason I know that is 'cause Tess told me.

Johnny looks a bit shocked at my blunt dismissal of his theory. Luke is more polite about it but I can tell he thinks there's something more going on as well. Then he turns to me an' asks, Why'd the Carnival stay? I can feel Johnny looking at me as well. An' I look down an twirl the glass 'tween my hands as I try an' figure what to tell them.

Look up an start, "We didn't choose to stop here. Managment did. The only way to leave this town is to sever all ties to the Carnival. Otherwise you're stuck. The town becomes a trap. We can see the freedom of the road but we can't have it. Not without giving up something whose real cost you never find out til it's too late." I stare into the depths of my drink, the green calming me. I've heard stories, from Mama an Abby, bout those who paid Management's price to leave.

I down the rest of my drink in one go and slam the glass down on the table.

"We didn't choose to stop here. Managment did." Guess they got to have someone in charge, or else a few folks, but it seems sorta weird thinking 'bout them having a set up with management and paperwork and all that. "The only way to leave this town is to sever all ties to the Carnival. Otherwise you're stuck. The town becomes a trap. We can see the freedom of the road but we can't have it. Not without giving up something whose real cost you never find out til it's too late."

"Huh." Dunno quite what to say to that. Ain't sure if that's just how things work with Carnies or if it's particular to Excolo, but somehow I'm guessing the latter. "'s that why you left 'em? What'd you have to pay?" Yeah, Luke, cause that ain't nosy at all. Duck my head a bit and rub my hand through my hair. "Sorry. You don't have to say, 's just curious. Seems like you folks'd do well tell your manager he don't know what he's up to, putting you down somewhere and not picking back up." Reckon I'd be pretty pissed if that was me, some bloke tellin' me I'd have to pay him to resign. Don't seem fair at all.

'Ri dunt really want t'answer, I think, 'cause she just turns her glass in her hands, lookin' down at the weird green stuff she's drinkin'. But she looks back up at us. "We didn't choose to stop here," she says. "Managment did. The only way to leave this town is to sever all ties to the Carnival. Otherwise you're stuck. The town becomes a trap. We can see the freedom of the road but we can't have it. Not without giving up something whose real cost you never find out til it's too late."

I start t'nod, 'cause I heard some 'a the first bit, but this things with makin' some sort 'a deal, 'r payin' some cost? I jump a bit when she slams her glass down. It all sounds like somethin' out 'a one 'v the stories. That sort 'a thing never goes right in 'em. "Huh," Luke says, and yeah, it's not somethin' you can say much to. "'s that why you left 'em? What'd you have to pay?" He gets embarrassed and does that thing where he rubs his hand through his hair. "Sorry. You don't have to say, 's just curious. Seems like you folks'd do well tell your manager he don't know what he's up to, putting you down somewhere and not picking back up."

I think 'Ri knows some 'a what's goin' on. Luke's actin' like the Management she's talkin' on is like Samuel, runnin' stuff 'n doin' ledgers 'n that. But from what I heard it's lot less normal. "They're tied up with the Tower, ain't they?" I'll make somethin' up if she dunt know what I'm talkin' 'bout, 'cause I dunt want her thinkin' I'm makin' stuff up 'r crazy when I start goin' on 'bout the Adversary.

Luke blinks and and then out comes a bunch a questions, 's that why you left 'em? What'd you have to pay?Sorry. You don't have to say, 's just curious. Seems like you folks'd do well tell your manager he don't know what he's up to, putting you down somewhere and not picking back up. He seems to realize after that he's asking some rather personal n' sensitive questions cuz he gets all embarrassed, runnin' a hand up into his hair.

Johnny jumps a bit when I slam the glass down but he gives me a sympathetic look an' says, They're tied up with the Tower, ain't they?

I give him a surprised an' grateful look. He gets it. Johnny gets it an' Luke don't. I don't know how John knows that but it's enough that somebody does.

"Yeah. They are." I turn to Luke, "You can't just do that. Not to Management...." I can feel my voice sinking to a shocked whisper at the thought of something telling off Management for what they done. "I--They ain't---Look, I can't really talk 'bout Management, not really. you guys ain't carnies an' never were."

I look at my empty glass and their partial ones. "um...lemme buy the next round? when you guys're ready?"

Edited 2009-06-27 19:01 (UTC)

She don't say nothing to the stuff I ask. Guess that's fair enough, we ain't even met before and she don't seem to think much of me anyway, the bloody looks she's giving me and slamming her glass about. "They're tied up with the Tower, ain't they?" Glance at Johnny, but she's looking at him like she knows 'bout the tower, and I relax a bit. "Yeah. They are."

Fuck me if Samuel ain't bloody right 'bout the Carnies. Tied up with the bloody tower all along! 's all very well her looking at me like I'm a bloody idiot, but I been up to the tower and I seen him as lives in it, and I ain't no idiot to be looked at all pitying. "You can't just do that. Not to Management...." Can see why, if they're in with the fucking devil! I wouldn't talk to him neither, and I sure as hell wouldn't work for him. "I--They ain't---Look, I can't really talk 'bout Management, not really. you guys ain't carnies an' never were."

"Nope," I say. "We ain't." She looks at her glass. "um...lemme buy the next round? when you guys're ready?" Shake my head and down the rest of my beer. Ain't that she don't trust me, cause we don't know each other, though I'm fucked if I'm trusting her after that 'bout management. But if she's supposed to be Johnny's friend she shouldn't be all cocky with him. "You two stay. Thanks anyway, but I got work to do. See you round, Johnny. Good to meet you too Ri." Give 'em both a nod before I head off, just to be polite.

Edited 2009-06-27 19:22 (UTC)

'Ri gives me a look that makes up fer her bein' short like that, like she dint think anyone'd get the trouble they're in. "Yeah," she says, "They are." Luke's gone white and his eyes have gone a bit wide 'n he smells yellow 'n red like he's pissed and scared. 'Ri turns t'him. "You can't just do that. Not to Management.... I--They ain't---Look, I can't really talk 'bout Management, not really. you guys ain't carnies an' never were."

I try not t'take that hard, 'cause Lord knows I got secrets I dunt want t'share. I'm kind 'a surprised that I'm hurt by it though - I dunt really know 'Ri well 'nough t'care what she thinks 'a me, right? "Nope," Luke says, and he sounds kind 'a cold 'n mad still. "We ain't." And then 'Ri seems kind 'a sorry, and I really dunt understand girls at all. If she's mad 'bout somethin' why dunt she say so, instead 'a gettin' mad and then feelin' sorry? "Uum...," she says lookin' at her glass, "lemme buy the next round? when you guys're ready?"

I look t'Luke, but he's shakin' his head and finishin' his beer. "You two stay. Thanks anyway, but I got work to do. See you round, Johnny. Good to meet you too Ri." He nods as he leaves. "I - " I look at 'Ri, then him - "see you 'round, Luke." He's pretty much gone. Damn. I still got food comin' so I slump back in my chair. "Sure, 'Ri," I say, feelin' kind 'a down now that Luke's gone off like that.

Aw crap. I said the wrong thing. Luke looks upset. Johnny looks hurt. Luke's the first to speak,Nope,We ain't. An' the way he says it, all cold an' hard n' fulla mistrust. it lets me know I screwed up an' shoulda just kept my mouth shut. This is why we don't talk 'bout Management with outsiders, not even in the little ways I was tryin' to. I hope I haven't juts made life here worse for those still with the Carnival.

When I make my offer, Luke just downs the rest of his beer and stands up. You two stay. Thanks anyway, but I got work to do. See you round, Johnny. Good to meet you too Ri.

John makes like he's gettin' up[ to go after him and then slumps back. I lift a hand in a wave and say, "Good to meetcha too, Luke."

Johnny looks real down an' I'm not feelin' too good either. He mumbles something that sounds like, Sure, 'Ri I get up an' stand by his chair a moment.

"John...I wanted to tell you. But I-I found out I couldn't...not really. Sorry." I turn away to go to the bar and get us some beer.

Looks like 'Ri dunt think it went well either, 'cause she's got this stricken look all 'v a sudden 'n shes "John...I wanted to tell you. But I-I found out I couldn't...not really. Sorry." She goes off t'the bar. Damn. I finish my beer as she comes back, the bartender trailin' her with a dish 'a fries. I shake my head as she sits back down. "I - it ain't that, 'Ri. I shouldn't 'a mentioned the Tower like that. I dint know you knew 'bout it, and now Luke thinks it's you folk who're tangled up with it when it really ain't your fault." I poke through the fries, but I ain't so hungry now.

"I should 'a just kept my mouth shut 'n asked you later. Luke - he's just worried 'bout me 'cause I met some folks who ain't too friendly." I think that might be part 'a it, really. He's worried I'm goin' t'fall in with folk like the hound-god, 'r Conley 'n his smugness. "He means well, he really does."

I come back with the beer and bartender is following me with some fries that Johnny ordered earlier. I st and Johnny shakes his head and starts appoligizing. As if it what happened was his fault instead of mine.I - it ain't that, 'Ri. I shouldn't 'a mentioned the Tower like that. I dint know you knew 'bout it, and now Luke thinks it's you folk who're tangled up with it when it really ain't your fault. He's poking at his fries and in spite of everything I find that really cute. I should 'a just kept my mouth shut 'n asked you later. Luke - he's just worried 'bout me 'cause I met some folks who ain't too friendly.He means well, he really does.

I give him a bit of a smile. "Guess it's both our faults then. If neither of us'd said anything, Luke wouldn't have anything to be so upset about."

I raise the beer to my mouth and then put it down untasted. "It's only Management that is mixed up with the Tower, the rest of us try to steer clear." Even if we're not entirely sure just what's up in that water tower.

She smiles quick at me. "Guess it's both our faults then," she says, her voice dry. "If neither of us'd said anything, Luke wouldn't have anything to be so upset about." I chuckle at that. "It wouldn't 'a bin much 'v a conversation then, now would it?" Definitely not without me havin' a chance t'blurt somethin' out 'n cause trouble.

'Ri goes t'drink her beer but sets it right down 'afore she's even had a sip. "It's only Management that is mixed up with the Tower, the rest of us try to steer clear." I look up at her, kind 'a startled. "Heck, I know that 'Ri. I may not like that witch, even if Tess says she's okay, or your magician, but you and Zann are good folk." I take a fry 'n nibble on it. "I never figured any 'a you had much choice in the matter. And heck, you're in town now too, so you're away from it." I look up at her, rememberin' why she was out the other night. "Though you got family there, 'n I'm sorry they're caught in it."

Johnny chuckles when I mention how we shoulda kept our mouths closed.It wouldn't 'a bin much 'v a conversation then, now would it? I smik a bit at that, the mental picture of us sittin' there lookin' at one another but not talkin' is kinda funny.

When he gives me a startled look I realize I'm on a roll with the not knowing when to shut up. But he's pretty good about it, all he says is, Heck, I know that 'Ri. I may not like that witch, even if Tess says she's okay, or your magician, but you and Zann are good folk. He pauses to nibble a fry. I never figured any 'a you had much choice in the matter. And heck, you're in town now too, so you're away from it.Though you got family there, 'n I'm sorry they're caught in it.

I take that sip of the beer so that I don't answer too quick.I better not be blushing. I better not. I hide behind my glass just in case. It feels good to know Johnny at least don't think so bad of us.

"Thanks. It's good to know you-that someone doesn't hold it against us."

More homesickness comes right along with his words. Family...right now I'm feeling very lonely. I push the feeling away. "Yeah. So'm I."

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"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

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