estdeus_innobis | Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.

Where the fuck d'you go after doing something like that? Don't know if I can face Samuel, and he sure ain't eager to run into me, cause he don't come back in from the stable for half an hour, even though he ain't got nothing to do out there. Oh, fuck. Luke, you fucking idiot. What the fuck were you thinking? You can't take it back, you can't ever take it back. You ain't young enough to say it's just a phase, you ain't even smart enough to do it-- Fuck, I don't know. Oh, fuck.

Eventually I can't take it no more, and I duck out past the office soon as I hear him in there, and I just walk. Don't even saddle up Freya. Don't know why, just.. can't. Don't hardly know where I'm going either, till I get out of town, but it ain't the same when you're on foot. You can't get out the dust. You just can't. Turn round and come back to town. Ain't gone nowhere special, and nowhere far, and it ain't even helped. Just kept thinking the whole thing through, what Samuel said and what I said and how he looked at me and how that fucking horrible dropping feeling felt that I got after I'd said it, only there ain't just that no more, there's this other thing where I feel sorta jittery too, and I dunno what that means or where it comes from even. Don't even know your own fucking head now, Luke, that's real helpful, that's the best bit of all, ain't it? Bet you're real proud of yourself now, ain't you?

But I ain't. Mostly just feel like I want to fall over in the dust and turn into... a plant or something. Yeah, cause that ain't dramatic and weird at all. Oh fuck me, I ain't got a clue what I'm doing. Not a fucking clue. And I ain't going to Ares neither cause once he gets all like that I reckon it's best to leave him to it, and I ain't going to Miss Miao cause she don't need me bursting in like that again, and I'm wondering if Boku's in when I spot that same door we went in round the side of the library, that first time, and it's open. Stumble up the stairs and knock on the door, starting to talk before he's even opened it. "Hey. Um. Hey, it's me. If you ain't.. you, can you change into you please so I can come in, I'm real sorry to the rest of you or the other bits or whatever but I ain't in- in the sorta mood where folks like to talk to- um. To cats or girls or nothing. Sorry."

I startle a bit at the sound of foots on the inner stairs. Looking at the ceiling I wonder who Lydia would let in when I hear the knock, "Hey. Um. Hey, it's me. If you ain't.. you, can you change into you please so I can come in," At that note in Luke's voice I yank the door open and look at him.

"Shukushou!" He looks pale and as if the slightest thing would cause a shaking. A rising tide of fury starts in the back of my mind at the thought of what could bring him to this. Too many possibilities in this town, all illustrated by the damn map on my wall.

Grabbing a shirt off a shelf, I throw it on and start buttoning as I grab Luke's hand and pull him inside to sit down on the cushions. "Luke-kun, are you alright?" Grabbing a bottle of aged sake and two wooden cups, I kneel in front of him and pour. "Drink first," at his look I nod, "medicinal."

Edited 2009-02-03 04:30 (UTC)

He opens the door so sudden I lose track of what I'm saying and end up standing there like a bloody fool staring at him. "Luke-kun, are you alright?" he says, tugging me inside.

"Yes. Course. I mean- well, no. But I ain't hurt or nothing. Miss Kaeli-" Stop and shake my head. Just shut up, Luke. Sit down and shut up. Pushes a drink into my hand in this little weird square cup, and I don't like to sniff at it cause that'd be rude, but fuck knows what it is. Just fucking drink it, Luke. He knows what he's talking about. Don't say nothing else, just down the lot and take a deep breath. "No, I am. Just..." Bit my lip and meet his gaze. Somehow I don't know how I've ended up sitting down. "Done something pretty stupid," I mumble, ducking my head and staring down at the rug underneath me.

The comment on Miss Kaeli is concerning as Luke does not attend the school. Her healing abilities are quite good of course, but the thought of violence directed at him makes violent thoughts of my own rise and sparks rise from the corner of my mind.

He drinks, but I do not believe he has tasted a drop of it. I slowly sink back on my heels and keep my eyes on his as I sip from my own cup. "I do believe our criteria for stupidity may differ, Luke-kun. Particularly where you are concerned."

I let in a slow and careful breath, my own feelings will not help Luke if they are in such disarray. "What happened Luke?"

Course he's doing that whole calm and inscrutable thing, an usually I reckon it'd help, it'd calm me down some, but I sorta just want to shake him and yell tell me what to bloody do! Only I don't do that, course. "Yeah, well, you would say that, you don't know half the stupid stuff I've done. I got a whole fucking catalogue, I have, and most of it's so..." trail off, cause I ain't saying nothing that needs hearing. Bury my fingers in my hair and shake my head.

"Don't fucking know," I say helplessly. "I don't have a fucking clue." Rub my hand through my hair and try taking a few deep breaths, cause fuck knows he don't need me in a state. Been relying on other folks too much. Him, and Miss Miao, and Ares. Too much. "Wierd thing is it might... it's sorta good too, as well as being really really bad. Really, really- Shit, I don't fucking know." He's looking at me like he don't really know what I'm on about, and I don't blame him. Squirm a bit cause I don't even like thinking about it. How can I say what Samuel said to me? How can I say that stuff? "I- Sorta... I told Samuel. 'Bout... you know. Being queer. I told him. Just now, 'bout an hour ago."

I have found that the easiest measure of Luke's unease is the amount of circles he talks around the subject before he actually addresses it. This definitely qualifies for a larger measure of circumlocution.

When he does finally state it I blink for a second. Setting down my cup, I seat myself beside him and wrap my arm about his shoulder. "How did he take it? Did he, you mentioned Kaeli-san," another slow breath, "Did he hurt you?"

I find myself leaning against him and holding him close. Regardless of what happened he is here and safe.

He don't say nothing at first. Try not to wince, cause see, I said it was stupid, and it is stupid. Thing is, I can't even work out which bit of it is stupid. "How did he take it? Did he, you mentioned Kaeli-sanl Did he hurt you?" Kaeli? Oh, right. Shake my head and sit there quiet for a moment, then start up again. Doing this all wrong and out of order. As bloody usual.

"Samuel? No, he ain't hurt me or nothing. That stuff with Miss Kaeli, that was the other day. They ain't the same thing, not- well, kind of. Sort of a long story." He puts his arm round me and I lean right up against his side, just trying to breathe steady now cause I don't want him to feel how I'm all shaken up. "Well, he didn't like it. Course he didn't, would you? I couldn't even tell what he thought, he was all..." Make an exasperated sorta noise. "I dunno. But he weren't happy, and he said not to tell Elias cause Elias wouldn't be so nice, and he's bloody right there, Elias'd be pissed and no fucking mistake, so- so- so what'm I s'posed to do now, Samuel ain't even looking at me no more and maybe he'll tell Elias or dad or..." Take a bloody breath, Luke, jesus. "He sorta guessed, I think. Maybe a bit. He was pissed cause I yelled at him a little bit."

Edited 2009-02-03 05:43 (UTC)

"Samuel? No, he ain't hurt me or nothing. That stuff with Miss Kaeli, that was the other day. They ain't the same thing, not- well, kind of. Sort of a long story."

I let out the breath I was not aware I was holding. Luke would be quite cross were I to hurt his family for hurting him. The briefest overview pours from him. "Well, were a sibling to tell me something so important to him I would like to think I would continue to love and value him. But even in the feudal times of Nippon we had a different view of men together than the West."

"He was pissed cause I yelled at him a little bit." I pull back to raise my eyebrow a bit at that. "I must point out from personal experience, Luke-kun, when you yell at someone it is not usually without merit. Did he merit it?"

Leaning back into him, "And I should like to know what happened in that long story that involves Kaeli-san at some point this evening..."

"Did you? I never knew that." Seems like most folks did, 'cept us. Seems like nearly everyone's more sensible than folk back in Dry Run, sometimes, only it weren't so bad, was it? I got my family there, and they was always good to me. Never went hungry, never got beat by dad. Maybe it's just ungrateful, thinking like that. But he seems like he was real worried 'bout what Samuel'd do, so after a bit I tell him what he said and what I said and everything, all of it - cause it's sorta fresh in my mind still. When I've finished I look up again (cause it's hard saying all that stuff, and I don't like saying it in front of him, and it makes me feel sorta ashamed and proud at once). Shrug a bit.

"Just.. don't like lying to folk. Just don't like it, it don't feel right. Specially not Samuel, cause he's always looked out for me. Just lately, he don't seem like he cares what I think about how he does it." Stop a while and look down, fiddling with the little cup. "Plus, you know, before... I felt so bad cause I knew God didn't like it. Only now there ain't just that god, there's loads, and some of 'em seem just fine with it."

Grin and bite my lip when he says about me shouting at him. "Yeah, I reckon so." Don't say no more though. Least not yet. Don't want to get into that whole thing till I can tell him 'bout it properly, and I can't think of how to do it 'cept backwards and that ain't no good to anyone. "And I should like to know what happened in that long story that involves Kaeli-san at some point this evening..." He leans against me again and after a bit I put my arm round his waist and curl my fingers into the back of his shirt. "'Kay. What- um, what was that stuff you gave me? Can I have another one?" Grin a bit and duck my head. "That was sorta weird."

Edited 2009-02-03 16:12 (UTC)

He tells me the whole story and conflict continues beneath my calm face. From the standards of his brother, he is looking out for Luke. Samuel has not yet come to terms with a world that has different morals and mores than Dry Run. Yet when he comes to the crude language I gasp a bit, only to let it out in a bark of laughter of Luke's reply.

"Oh no!" Raise my hands at his expression, "I think it was an entirely appropriate response. I am just thinking of how his expression must have gone." Reach for him again, "I am glad you were finally able to be open with him."

"Just.. don't like lying to folk. Just don't like it, it don't feel right." "I think it is a hard thing to wall away and deny a part of yourself. So often it leads to grief."

"I felt so bad cause I knew God didn't like it. Only now there ain't just that god, there's loads, and some of 'em seem just fine with it."

At that I lean back and think before I speak in return, "My opinion, based on experience more often that not, is that men put words they want to hear in the mouths of gods to justify their fears; and gods put reasons in the mouths of men to justify their actions. That can be for good or ill, but it does not always mean what they want it to..."

He asks for more of the sake and I lean forward to fill it before settling against his side once more, comforted by the pull of his hand on my shirt. "It is sake, commonly translated as rice wine. I have always found the potency closer to whiskey myself. Traditionally we would drink it hot, and perhaps rim the cup with salt." I really should start stocking my place better since I seem to now have companions who visit.

What is it with folk bloody laughing every time I do something! Blush right up to my hair, and I ain't too sure 'bout appropriate neither, but I seem to be yapping out any old thing I please when I talk to Samuel these days. "It was something alright," I mumble, sorta smiling when he pulls me in again. "Still don't know if I'm glad. I- Maybe I should've just kept my mouth shut. Only-" Nod a bit, cause I've said about the lying. "Yeah. You know. He's right about Elias though. Elias don't like that stuff, he won't put up with it. Gotta look out for the family, cause he's the oldest, you know?" Sort of trail off. "It is hard to, yeah," I say, and that's the truth.

He pulls back to look at me, only I'm all jumpy still and I get fidgety with him looking so thoughtful. But he ain't thinking 'bout me. "My opinion, based on experience more often that not, is that men put words they want to hear in the mouths of gods to justify their fears; and gods put reasons in the mouths of men to justify their actions. That can be for good or ill, but it does not always mean what they want it to..."

Sit there thinking 'bout that for a while. Reckon I've got a lot to say 'bout that, only it ain't lined up in proper thoughts yet, so instead of trying I say, "You met a few gods then? Before you came, I mean?" Maybe he don't like 'em cause he's had a bad run in or something. Only I don't like to say it's just that, cause he always says things better that I ever could, so I reckon he'd be able to make up his mind without even meeting one if he wanted to.

"Thanks Boku." Wrinkle my nose a bit at the thought of salt in my drink. Don't really taste like whiskey neither, but I don't down it this time, just sorta sip at it. "Don't really know what to do," I say after a bit. "S'all very well saying it, but what d'you do once you've said it? I can't go back and eat bloody dinner with him like I never said it, can I?"

"You met a few gods then? Before you came, I mean?" I wait until the drinks are poured before answering, "A few kami in Nippon. Once I started traveling I met more in China, but they were always busy on some business or another. They still reflect the hierarchy of the old Empire and quite often are very officious."

Thinking back I sip again, "There was a female I met once in the north of there, a grandmother sort but gruff. She lived in a house with chicken legs and served tea with jam in it. For all her hospitality, there were human bones in her house.
There were more, some that helped, others that harmed. The thing I always came away with was that their priorities are not the same as peoples. Even when they try and help it can harm." I shrug off the melancholy those thoughts always seem to bring along with them, like shadows under clouds.

"I can't go back and eat bloody dinner with him like I never said it, can I?" My arm around him feels his muscles clench tight next to me I ache for the conflict he must be feeling. "I think it is easier to say than do, but you go and eat bloody dinner with him like you very well said it. That you love him, he is your brother and elder and boss. Yet you are who you are and if he wants you in his life he will come to accept it or not, it is his choice." Nudge him then, just a bit with my shoulder, "I think he will make the right choice."

I smile a bit at the face he makes at the sake, "Should we go to the tavern? They should have a better selection than my lone contribution."

See, I know all this stuff really happened to him, but it still feels sorta like just hearing a story when you're little. I'm grinning a bit cause of what he said 'bout them being officious, but then it starts to go. "Not to be rude or nothing, but I reckon a house with bloody chicken legs should've been a bit of a clue," I say, cause that's just creepy.

More I listen the more it makes sense. Specially after him on the road. And even Ares, sometimes. "I met another one, " I say, trying to make it sound like I meet gods all the bloody time. Which I sorta do, but that ain't the point, and it's only one, so- "That one that turns into a big dog thing. He weren't t-too helpful."

I listen when he answers and I listen real hard cause a part of me reckons, yeah, he's right, you gotta do that else you won't have no place to go, and it's stupid hiding from your own family, and ain't you already done exactly that enough, Luke? He nudges his shoulder against mine. "I think he will make the right choice." Try and smile a bit. "I dunno. I guess so." Rub my hand through my hair again and shake my head. "But I ain't doing it tonight, I can't do it just like that, and he was all pissy anyway, I ain't going back to that shit, not after everything, I just can't..." Yeah, you go getting yourself all worked up over it Luke, cause that's exactly what you need.

"Should we go to the tavern? They should have a better selection than my lone contribution." Look at him for a long time. Then I nod certain as I can. "Yes." I say, standing up. "We should. Not- not that that ain't good or nothing, just..." Trail off and offer my hand to pull him up, already turning towards the door.

Edited 2009-02-03 18:51 (UTC)

I wince and laugh at once at Luke's response, "Not to be rude or nothing, but I reckon a house with bloody chicken legs should've been a bit of a clue," "Yes, it was pressing circumstances, but it was a rather glaring clue. Of course, I was quite polite. Manners seemed to mean a lot to her. To quite a few of them actually. Perhaps something to do with rituals..." I realize I am going off on a tangent and bring my attention back to him.

While he starts to get wrought up again over the thought of dealing with his brother tonight, he latches onto the tavern idea and fairly drags me towards the door. Scrambling up a bit, I swiftly set aside the bottle so I may deal with it upon my return and keep a tight hold of his hand as we thread our way down the staircase. I trail my hand along the wall in thanks for Lydia's kindness to my friend.

Walking along the road to the tavern, we soon arrive and I lead us to a corner table. "First drink is on me, but your choice Luke-kun. What do you like to drink?"

Grin at that, even laughing a bit, cause I never met anyone more polite than him in my whole life. "You're always bloody polite," I say, nudging him back just a bit with my shoulder. "Maybe they gotta follow the rules, else they'd be able to do anything at all, and that'd probably get quite confusing. Like your brain couldn't decide and it'd just drift apart trying to do it all at once." Probably best you don't ever write this stuff down, Luke.

He don't say much of anything when I tell him 'bout the thing on the road, so I don't say nothing else neither, just follow him down onto the street and on to the tavern. It ain't too busy yet, but most of the tables're taken. Strikes me Samuel might've come in to get a drink too, only he ain't, thank god. "First drink is on me, but your choice Luke-kun. What do you like to drink?"

"They got good whiskey here." Samuel always says don't go mixing spirits and beer, it ain't good. "But I ain't too fussy." He goes off to get drinks and I slide back as far as I can in the seat. Recognise some of 'em, course, and one of the farm hands from a farm I go past on the run gives me a nod. Smile back, but I ain't going over, and I feel like everyone's watching me soon as I'm on my own. Like everyone knows, and it's worse than usual cause it'd be my fault if they did, and soon they're all going to anyway, probably.

"Maybe they gotta follow the rules, else they'd be able to do anything at all, and that'd probably get quite confusing." I nod at that, "They do follow rules, but they are not always comprehensible to anyone else."

The bar is dim and quite a few people are here, but no one I know very well, other than seeing them on the street. Returning with the drinks and a bottle, Thomas eyed me at that until I showed him the monies, I sit and pour us each a healthy shot.

Lifting my glass, "To honesty when it's hard, friends to ease the pain, and politeness in the face of adversity." I wince but savor the burn of the whiskey against the back of my throat. Keeping my voice low, I ask, "This dog, you say he was one? How exactly did you meet him?" Pour us both a refill. I will need more than one drink to smooth the story of the god of Black and Blue meeting Luke.

Edited 2009-02-03 19:37 (UTC)

"To honesty when it's hard, friends to ease the pain, and politeness in the face of adversity." Grin at that, cause there ain't no one else who'd say it, 'cept him. I'm half tempted to say I won't be showing bloody adversity nothing 'cept being bloody pissed, cause I've had enough of it. Don't though. Just nod and down my drink. "It's sorta long," I say, wrinkling my nose. Takes me a minute to start, just looking down into my glass and thinking of the first time I come in here with Ares after I found them bodies. Try not to think of that now, though.

"Was coming back from Dry Run in the dark, and they come out at me in the wood, south of town? Two of 'em, fucking massive wolves. Well, I reckoned they were. Wouldn't leave off, kept going for Freya and she bolted, course." He's poured another glass, and I take it and swallow half, cause I still don't like thinking 'bout Freya in pain like that. "Managed to stay on her. Thought I'd lost 'em, but they kept coming, on and on. You know how fast she is, but they got her. They hurt her. So I pulled my gun, even if I hate the bloody thing, and I shot one and he stopped coming, but the other one..."

Shake my head a bit and lean in real close so I can talk quiet under the noise of other folks talking. "He came right up, he had hold of my foot. Thought it was going to pull me off. Damn near pulled Freya over. Shot him too. Right through the back of his head, it was- um. I- There were bits of- of it all on me. But it never stopped coming." Look down and finish what's left in my glass in one go. Want to shiver just thinking of it, even if I ain't felt so panicked since Miss Kaeli came and fixed me and Freya up. "Freya, she was so tired, and so scared. Bleeding all over." Frown and shake my head. "Afterwards Ares said it was a god. And I seen it. It wasn't nothing normal."

Look at him steady while he begins his story, small sips of fiery liquid turns into a gulp when he speaks of wolves. Canines giving chase. Once he mentions Freya's injury I lean over and grip his hand hard, he loves that horse. I can almost picture her too, she loves him so she would run until her heart burst.

I lean my head beside his mouth as he speaks closer. Whether to make sure I hear over the ambient noise or to prevent anyone from overhearing, either way his voice is barely above a whisper as it moves the hair next to my ear. As soon as he speaks of his own injury, my hand clenches hard enough on my seat to feel wood start to splinter beneath my fingers. Words whisper urgently from the back of my head, pointing out his lack of limp.

He finishes saying, "Afterwards Ares said it was a god." Oddly there is no rush of ill feeling at the mention of the war god, instead a strange sort of comfort. He would have made sure of Luke's health. Protected him. "Hai, the canine night god, god of murders, black and blue flesh and screams in the night." I shiver at the thought of what he could have done. Finishing my drink, I top up both our drinks.

Edited 2009-02-03 21:39 (UTC)

When I say about Freya he grabs my hand, and it makes me smile a bit, cause he knows 'bout how great Freya is. Look around, but there ain't no one watching, and it's only hands anyway, and there ain't no point worrying 'bout it no more. "Hai, the canine night god, god of murders, black and blue flesh and screams in the night."

"He's pretty good at his job, then," I mumble. "Freya was in bad shape, so I started walking her back to town. Ares came and found us pretty soon though. 's when Miss Kaeli fixed my foot and healed Freya. He got her, I never knew she could do that. And we were fine. Just tired." Bite my lip and sit back a bit, looking out across the bar and tapping my foot under the table.

"Something else, though. I dunno... if it's important. I never told Ares cause he was pissed enough as it was. We... Me'n Freya, we never got away." Don't look at him when I say it. "Couldn't out run it. I- I stopped. Cause Freya would've died if I'd run her anymore. Sick of running. Sick of being scared, so I stopped and turned to face him. It." Glance up at him to see what he looks like. Probably thinks I'm an idiot. "It was looking at me, I could see it. Then it just sorta vanished."

Nod and sip at my drink as he speaks of the healer. She continues to heal and give of herself even when she gets little back.

"We... Me'n Freya, we never got away." Raise my head at that, watch his eyes closely as they look away and meet mine through this tail end of the story. "Those rules, Luke-kun, they may have something to do with this. Or it could be he is waiting for you another time. There is something in my attic, I want you to carry it with you. I will tell you about it once we are there, not in this place." I would prefer to tell him in the light of day, but I do not know if that will be possible.

I pour us more whiskey and feel a grin start to cross my face. "Luke-kun, I am afraid I am not entirely sober."

Everything's got rules. Mostly they're hidden, and no one knows what they are. Wonder what Ares' rules are. But see, when I think of him, I can't imagine it. 's harder when you got someone in mind, maybe. Wonder what mine are. Waiting for me? Ain't sure I like the sound of that one bit. "Don't reckon he's waiting for me. Don't reckon it's that, just- I mean, why'd he bother? He was just playing, Ares said." Want to ask him what he's got that can stop a big bloody dog that ain't stopped by a bullet through the brain, but he says he'll say later, so I don't. Just nod. "'kay." Then he's grinning at me. "Luke-kun, I am afraid I am not entirely sober."

Just look at him at first, cause that ain't even occurred to me. Too wrapped up in telling him what happened to notice, I reckon, and I start to say I don't need another drink yet cause I ain't even drunk this one, only when I look down the glass is empty.

"Um," I say, biting my lip and wrinkling my nose a bit. "Reckon I ain't neither. Maybe. A bit." Lip feels sorta numb. Shoot him a bit of a grin and down the shot. Hell, I actually don't feel like I'm going to shake right out my skin any moment, so if anything's a good idea, that is. "Reckon I might get pretty bloody drunk, too," I say, grinning a bit more.

"He was just playing, Ares said." I nod solemnly at that, "And just what kind of games does the god of murder play? I do not trust his games or his forbearance where your safety is concerned. Nor Freya's."

I concentrate and peer at the bottle and the glasses, pouring once more. "Bloody drunk is a bloody brilliant idea." Raise my glass as if it's a toast, but decide to only sip this time.

Gives me a serious sorta look and nods. "And just what kind of games does the god of murder play? I do not trust his games or his forbearance where your safety is concerned. Nor Freya's."

"Well me neither, I can tell you that for bloody nothing. Damn near scared me half to death." Nudge him and give him a bit of a look, only I reckon I'm grinning so that probably don't do nothing for the effect. "Don't need to warn me. Reckon the teethmarks do that." See, this is why it was a good idea, getting drunk, cause that sorta makes me laugh now. "Is that what he's the god of? You'd reckon murderers'd need hands."

"Bloody drunk is a bloody brilliant idea," he says, pouring us another (and I don't reckon I can keep this sorta pace up, never mind Samuel and wolves and the rest of it). Raises his glass, but I'm too busy grinning to drink mine. "You got that off me!" I say, nudging his shoulder with mine and laughing suddenly. "You should definitely swear more often. So should I. Told Samuel to fuck off, when I yelled at him." Still makes me blush a bit, but it's definitely funnier from this side of a few whiskeys.

"Reckon the teethmarks do that." I snort at that, "Kaeli-san took care of the teethmarks I am sure. Yes, black dog has a human form. Same smile though..."

I snort again as he does not drink the next I pour for him but nudges me. I do love the sound of his laughter.

"You should definitely swear more often." My eyes widen and I feel a blush creep up my cheeks. "I have cursed before...it was just in Nihongo."

Leaning forward, I whisper, "Do you want to learn Japanese cursing?"

Bloody hell, I actually made someone else blush. Ain't often the world decides to do stuff that way. "I have cursed before...it was just in Nihongo."

Shake my head and pick up my glass. "Nah, see, that don't count, 'less there's folk to understand you." Swallow a mouthful, then put it down again cause I am starting to feel pretty tipsy now and I reckon it's drinking fast what's doing it. "Otherwise, 's just like talking to yourself, only using your mouth 'stead of just your brain." Then he leans in and I do too, only just stopping short of knocking heads too, cause I can feel his hair against mine. "Do you want to learn Japanese cursing?"

"Yeah!" I say, cause who the hell'd say no to that? No one, that's who. "Like shukushou? See, I ain't letting that stuff just float on past me," I add, grinning a bit more. Know what it means, too, and other stuff as well, but I ain't saying it now in case I fuck it up cause of the whiskey, and I kind of want to get it right so I can see his face.

I am almost affronted at him saying my curses do not count, I am just about to tell him too. Then he has to go make logic so I cannot.

Grinning at his enthusiastic reply, I let out a small whoop at his use of shukusho. Quickly I cover my mouth and look around to see if I disturbed anyone about, before looking back at Luke. I nod then, "Yes, just so."

Twist my mouth a bit to see what to share with him, "That means an equivalent to 'shit.' One of the worst I reserve is, Dameyaro. It means, something like, useless fucker." I snort and look at his expression. "To be useless in Nippon is quite insulting."

Gets this look on his face I ain't never seen before, like he wants to tell me off. Usually I'd been all worried 'bout it, but I dunno, mostly just seems funny, specially when he's so pleased 'bout me knowing a bit of Japanese. Trying to laugh quiet like when he turns back, and it's mostly working. "See, I never even knew you could get drunk. I mean, seems like it'd be different with all different types of things, don't it?"

Grin slowly. "Dameyaro. Guess that'd be pretty insulting in Dry Run too, come to think of it," I say, then laugh a bit. "Reckon I might save it for when I go back home next. Teach me something I can say to Samuel if he gives me trouble." Cause he thinks I'm getting above myself learning languages and stuff, I can tell, only he can't object to latin cause bits of the bible're in latin, and I don't like to ask Miss Miao to teach me curses, wouldn't be right with a lady.

"See, I never even knew you could get drunk. I mean, seems like it'd be different with all different types of things, don't it?"

I sniff at that, "I am not drunk!" Of course, that is not quite truth so I look at him sideways, "I am just not quite sober." Of course, I cannot keep my expression so and start laughing. It is certainly not giggling...I hope.

"Teach me something I can say to Samuel if he gives me trouble."

Nod at that, it sounds very useful. "Urusai means 'shut up!', it is quite rude. Or imi imishe kuso for eat fucking shit." I lower my voice at that last. "Jigoku e ike, go to hell, is also very useful."

Edited 2009-02-04 17:46 (UTC)

Sniffs all haughty like at that but I ain't taken in for a moment. "I am not drunk! I am just not quite sober." Can't help laughing at that, but it's okay cause he's laughing too. Slide down in my seat a bit and remember the rest of my drink, an' it don't even burn like it did at first.

"You remember the first time you got drunk?" Tilt my head a bit. "'s probably like, hundreds of years ago, but even so, I reckon you gotta remember that."

When he gives me all them curses I try 'em out, then raise my eyebrows and give him a stern sorta look. "See, I- I ain't sure that's politeness in the face of.. you know, bad stuff." Look at him sorta serious for a bit, then say thoughtfully, "what's and, so I can string 'em all together?" Seems to me like that'd be important.

"You remember the first time you got drunk?"

Nodding, I hold the glass in front of me, peering into it as if it will assist my memories, "The family had grown and one of the young sons got married. Marriage then and there was very different. No family or friends attend a ceremony. I was closest to him, of us, he returned with his bride and after she retired we drank late into the night. That was when I first realized how I felt," quick look at him then, "about men. I left the next day and went around the country for a few years. By the time I returned they had children for us to help raise."

Drink more and look up as he doubts the applicability of curses with politeness. "One should know how to curse another out in the even politeness does not work." Nod again, though it makes the room swim a bit.

"And is to, but word order is essential. So should you want to tell Samuel, 'Shut up, you are a useless fucker. Eat shit and go to hell.' You would say, 'Urusai, dameyarou. Imi imishe kuso to jigoku e ike!'"

Look sideways at him, "I think it would be quite a sight to see you lose your temper...when it is not directed at me..."

Aw! That's real sad, I reckon, and I bite my lip and try not to look too sad about it in case it's condescending or he don't like it or it makes him feel bad, but I reckon it might show anyway. "'m real sorry," I say, and I slip my hand down under the table and thread my fingers with his. "Sounds kinda rough. You done a nice thing, though, I reckon." Dunno if I could've done it. Mind, he's just like that, he don't think so much about himself. "I got drunk with Nathaniel when we were 'bout fourteen or so. Fell out the hay loft." Grin a bit and duck my head. "Was okay though, even if dad gave me hell for it."

"Probably right," I agree, nodding slowly, "cause there ain't no point in you taking shit if other folk ain't. Dunno if I'll remember all that, but I reckon I'll have a good go." Gives me this sideways sorta look and says "I think it would be quite a sight to see you lose your temper...when it is not directed at me..."

Can't help laughing at that. "Ain't too good at it. Get all twisted up trying to keep quiet, then it all sorta comes out in a rush. Don't even like hitting folks, but I done it a few times." Grin a bit and duck my head, feeling my face get hot, and when I pour us out another drink a bit of it goes on the table cause my aim ain't too good now.

His fingers threading through mine gives a warm rush to my chest, and I squeeze them under the table. "Nathaniel sounds like an interesting friend. Do you see him anymore? I think I should like to meet him."

I grin to see him blush at the thought of yelling at others. He pours us more and from the amount on the table, he is none too sober either. I raise the glass once more and peer at him, "Your turn to propose a toast."

Weird thing is, I reckon Nathaniel and Boku'd get on real well, if they ever met each other. He was real clever too, even if he never really showed it back home, cause there weren't no way of showing it, really. Maybe they will one day, but I don't reckon I'll be there. "He's back in Dry Run. He was my best mate. Before you anyway." Grin and take a mouthful of whiskey, then shake my head. No matter what, still like the thought of Nathaniel doing well whatever he's up to. Sorta hope he gets out of Dry Run too. "But he don't talk to me no more."

"Shit, I dunno 'bout that stuff," I say, wrinkling my nose and laughing a bit. "Um." Rub my hand through my hair and try'n think of something. "Well, okay. To- um, to folks we don't see no more, even if we miss 'em and we still think about 'em. How's that?" That's pretty bloody girly, Luke, but you might as well carry on the way you started. Finish the whole glass and put it down sorta harder than I'd meant to. "Prob'ly Samuel'll be thinking 'bout all stuff that makes sense now when it ain't never made sense before. D'you reckon?" Don't hardly mean to say it out loud, but it don't seem like it's bad no more, so much as just weird. "Prob'ly he's thinking he should've seen it sooner."

Edited 2009-02-04 22:32 (UTC)

He sounds almost cheerful speaking of his friend, yet at the end a note of almost melancholy enters, "But he don't talk to me no more." I squeeze his hand under the table again, "It is hard to lose those you are close too. Perhaps I will need to travel to Dry Run, I would like to meet him someday."

Grinning, I raise my hand to his toast, "That's perfect." Drink to it and set my glass down a bit gentler than his, pouring us more as he speaks of his brother. "I do not know Samuel enough to speculate, however I suspect he is definitely thinking right now." Family or not, should he raise his hand to Luke I shall have to have a conversation with him myself. Which reminds me, I should see the damn war god about a canine problem. We may not like each other, but that does not factor into this.

"Ano de, I mean, we should get back. To get the thing I said I would give you. Unless you want to stay?" I admit I enjoy holding hands with him, but thinking of the night god makes me worry over Luke's safety.

Edited 2009-02-04 23:59 (UTC)

Almost forgotten 'bout his hand still in mine till he squeezes it. "Come with me one week if you like. Gotta keep up though," I add, grinning slowly and thinking of him showing Cimarron what for. "I mean... just be nice for company 's all. I ain't scared."

Pours us another and I let my head lean back against the wall once I've drunk it. "Prob'ly. He's prob'ly thinking 'bout how being queer's made me sorta rude lately. Don't like talking back to family or nothing, but he's got it all wrong. Got it all wrong, you know?"

"Ano de, I mean, we should get back. To get the thing I said I would give you. Unless you want to stay?" Do I? Ain't got a bloody clue. Huff and wrinkle my nose, trying to work it out. He's got a whole lotta faith in my brain if he reckons I'm up to making decisions real fast. Eventually I nod, cause I want to know what it is he's got that can help. "Nah, 's fine. Take the bottle though, eh?" Prob'ly drop it if I take it. Stretch a bit when I stand, which is definitely a mistake, cause it makes me feel sorta dizzy and hot at once. "Fuck." Blink a bit. 's nice and cool outside, and I wait for him in the street. "Can you make fireballs?"

Edited 2009-02-05 00:13 (UTC)

I snort at his doubt, "Come with me one week if you like. Gotta keep up though," "You only won last time as Freya is faster. I can keep up with your riding any day." I do not usually enjoy bragging, but this is something I do have skill in. And Luke's expression when I do is too enjoyable.

I nod solemnly as he talks of his brother more, then he pauses as he seems to ponder my offer. Finally he agrees, contingent upon my carrying the bottle. As I grab it he seems to sway, or was that the room? The steps to the door seem quite long, but once I am outside the air helps clear my head a bit.

"Can you make fireballs?" Just look at him and blink for a moment. Why should I be able to make fireballs? Then my eyebrows raise as I remember some of the bakeneko stories in the book I gave him. Shake my head as I lace my arm in his while we walk down to the library, "No, each bakeneko has a different source. Different..energy. I have no great magic outside being able to sight and groom energy." I try, but cannot hold back my laugh at his disappointed expression. "That is alright, I will have to settle for horse riding, sword fighting and bujutsu eh, martial arts." I am still laughing as we unsteadily make our way up the stairs.

"Sure, you say that..." Laugh and nudge him suddenly. "Me'n Freya'll take it into account when we're waiting for you to arrive." Pretty sure fresh air's sposed to help when you're drunk, only it just makes me feel more drunk compared to everything else being all clear and stuff. I'm too busy laughing at his face when I ask him 'bout the fireballs (it says that in the book!) to worry 'bout it though. But he shakes his head. "No, each bakeneko has a different source. Different..energy. I have no great magic outside being able to sight and groom energy."

Aww. That would've been brilliant. "What's my energy doing?" I mumble, squinting down at my hand like I could see it if I got the right angle. "An' how d'you groom it?" Don't mind admitting I'm sorta leaning on him while we walk, but he don't seem to mind. The library's real quiet, and I reckon I might be whispering cause that's what you do in a library. "That was fucking cool. I mean..." Look up at him, only he's sorta blurry at the edges, even if some bits of him are real clear. "Don't do it again or nothing. But it was fucking cool. Specially the... spinny thing. 's that got a name?" He lets us into his little room, and I follow him in. Fuck me there's a whole lot of stuff in here I don't want to knock over. "Um. Let's go out where- where we went before, yeah? With the roof.. bit."

I shake my head at his question, "Unfortunately, I can only see supernatural or magical energy. It is not a very strong power I am afraid. And I groom, by...grooming. Licking into place." I turn my head, I suppose he uses a hairbrush...or not with the way the cowlick always insists on staying there.

He is talking about spinning, but I am not sure at first what he means. "Oh the combat. Eh, there are many kicks..." I am relieved to change the subject to him requesting the porch. "Of course."

I lead the way, stepping through the doorway and onto the rooftop porch. Grinning back at him, I lay down on the floor to look up at the night sky. Now, once the stars stop spinning I am sure we can find something to talk about other than my attack upon his lover.

"Right, cause of the whole cat thing." Nod a bit, rubbing my hand over my hair when I see him glancing up at it. "Still pretty good though. I mean, most folk ain't got nothing in the way of powers, you know?" Probably if I had a power it'd be the sort that don't do you no good but folks say is special. Probably wouldn't be shooting fireballs or nothing. Then we're outside again and it's real nice how you can see all of town.

Reckon if I lie down I might not get up again if I do that, so I sit down next to him instead and lean back against the wall. Floor keeps lurching about underneath me, but it ain't a bad lurching and he's grinning at me and I grin back. "Thanks for taking me out," I say, mouth feeling all numb and like it ain't my own to control. "Real nice of you. An' I reckon you got good powers too. Only I gotta say, whatever it is you got for- um. For the dog bloke probably won't work."

"Thanks for taking me out," I wave my hand at that, "My pleasure, truly."

If I squint, the spin turns to a slow rotation...

"Only I gotta say, whatever it is you got for- um. For the dog bloke probably won't work."

Raise up onto my elbows at that, look at him shocked, "Not bloody likely it will not work. It was made specifically for him, to ward against him." I may not know a lot, but I most certainly have studied enough to recognize the effectiveness of that particular charm. If Glass had it keeping her safe, and only was hurt by him without it, it will keep Luke safe as well.

Sits up and stares at me, and I'm about to say how it ain't exactly likely to if a bullet won't, and sorta trying not to think about them bits of brain and bone and stuff on my jeans, when he says, "Not bloody likely it will not work."

Something after it too, only I ain't taking much in at the moment and hearing him say that's about the best bloody thing I heard all day, and I don't even have a bloody clue why. Takes me a minute, but I can't help it. Fall about laughing while he sits there looking at me like I'm crazy, only that sorta makes it funnier. Lean over (and everything lurches, fucking hell) and grab a handful of his hair, only gentle mind, and tug him closer so I can kiss his cheek, then let him go and slump down onto my back, still giggling like a bloody schoolgirl. "That told me," I mumble, grinning up at the sky.

My stare at him seems to effect him not at all as he is laughing! Then before I can say another thing, his hand is gripping my hair and a gasp escapes as his lips touch my jaw and neck before he slides back down to giggle at the sky.

A slow flush of an entirely different sort flares out from my stomach. Lean over him, wrapping my own hand into his hair to arch his neck towards me, mouth skimming the same places as he kissed on me, but with the slight scrape of teeth. I end with my mouth at his ear, "I am not a bloody saint, Geika-sama."

Stand, only swaying slightly, and stalk into the room to find the damn effective protection charm.

Grin and turn to him when he don't say nothing, only he ain't where I expect him to be, he's real close and his hand's in my hair to tug my head back, and fuck me, oh fuck, what- what-

Then he's whispering against my ear and the hair on my neck all stands on end. Turn my head towards him, but my hand only skims his shirt and he's up and gone again. Moves so fast it sorta makes me dizzy, and I just lie there blinking and blushing scarlet to my bloody ears and trying to say something, only nothing comes out. Listen to him rustling about inside, banging about. Is- is he pissed? Fuck. Fuck, I never meant to- Fuck. Sit up sorta slow and try and steady my breathing but my heart's pounding so hard I reckon it might punch clean through my chest.

Um. Probably I should follow him, should I? Oh fuck me. Um. Yeah, best to- Push myself up and grip onto the wall while till I'm in the doorway, cause there ain't no one watching. Could say sorry, but... "What- what does that mean?"

This is unacceptable. I just inventoried the thing, how can I not find it? I am certainly not thinking about...well, it is not like it meant anything to him. It was a foolish move to make, Monster. Shoving that back into his face just as he calls you his 'best mate'. Centuries of will power obviously are no match for the lips of a drunken Luke.

His voice at my back is not a surprise exactly, but my stomach clenches anyway. "What- what does that mean?" At that, a rush floods through me. Yearning and frustration and a bit of the same feeling the cat gets as she bats at a bee's nest.

I turn around slowly to see him leaning against the doorway, eyes wide and not quite focused, face flushed. Keeping my eyes on him, I walk forward until we are face to face. Close enough to feel the heat of him against my skin in contrast to the cool night air. "When I said, I am not a bloody saint, I meant that I can not resist in the face of that. As you touch me, so shall I touch you. So be careful what actions you initiate." My eyes search his for some sort of response to the churning within me.

"Don't mean to make it hard for you. Was just... I didn't mean..." How'm I s'posed to tell him I like touching him, I like messing about with him, I love him being my mate. I dunno, sometimes I don't think of that stuff cause he is so good at hiding it, he's so good, and maybe I been taking advantage of that so we can be mates and I don't have to worry about it, I don't even know, but what'm I s'posed to do when I want to be mates, when I don't want to lose another mate, when I couldn't bloody stand that cause he's so brilliant, he is. Want to ask him why, if he ain't a saint I have to be a saint, cause maybe when he does stuff like that it ain't easy for no one to be a saint and I never even done it on purpose anyway. And he's standing real close, real close, and he's all warm and I dunno what to do, cause what, does he think it don't mean anything when he does stuff like that? Bloody hell, I ain't made of stone, 'n my head's all fuzzy cause of the whiskey and I only bloody meant the thing he called me, I only meant what's geika mean? Just can't get it right, just keep fucking it up like with Ares when he got all cross, and maybe I wanted to kiss Boku when he did that and maybe that would've been okay, only he walked off and now if I want to kiss him it's this whole big thing and he's looking at me all cross and something else at the same time and I can't hardly get my breath. This is what Samuel means when he says about taking responsibility for my actions, I reckon, cause it's gotta be me, it's gotta be all me, an' I dunno what to do, I don't.

"Bloody hell," I mumble. And it ain't like I seen Ares in a bloody month cause he's been off doing god knows what, and then when he does come back he's all pissed at me for saying I'm sorry he came back to what he did, and I mean, what the hell is that? I know it's just him, and ain't really bothered, but now I keep thinking 'bout it and it just gets all confused in my head and seriously, Luke, fucking seriously how long you going to stand here looking fucking stupid cause if you didn't want to do nothing you'd have gone by now, wouldn't you? "I- " Can't even keep my voice steady now, only it don't seem to matter much cause it ain't exactly clear anyway, and what if I do want to kiss him, what then? Is that fair on him? I don't want to be the sorta bloke that does that, that takes advantage, and I don't want to be the sorta bloke that goes round kissing folk randomly cause they're drunk, only it ain't random, and it ain't cause I'm drunk, it's cause it's him. And it's a fucking good job your brain works better than your mouth, cause we'd have been here all fucking night if you'd tried to say that.

Seems like if I ain't gonna run, I'd better do something else. Oh, Luke.

I put my hand on the back of his neck and kiss him. His mouth tastes like oranges and whiskey and warmth.

Edited 2009-02-05 21:11 (UTC)

He starts speaking of what he meant, but trails off. All I can do is continue to look at him. I know his meaning was not false, that he cares for me. Yet my words are still true and I stand by them, I will continue to be his friend regardless of if he touches me in such a way or not. And I am no saint.

His breathing is fast and shallow and I find mine keeping time with it. No more spinning, the world has slowed down and stopped around us. Only the breeze against my skin reminds me that the world stops for no one. "Bloody hell," I feel as if I have been searching his eyes for small eternities. Instead of finding answers, I am drawn in and wondering just what he is cursing. Me? Himself?

One more long pause, I am just wondering if I should leave and resolve to stay regardless. Then his hand is against my neck and I am pulled forward against his lips. His skin is hot against his neck and jaw where I clutch it. A sound halfway between a sob and a growl seeps between our lips as I kiss him back. Soft at first, then licking and sucking his lower lip between my teeth I deepen it. Free an arm to wrap against his waist and pull him to me, letting the world start to spin again.

Soon as his mouth's on mine this weird thing happens where I feel like whatever's been twisting me up so bad sorta lets me go, and I lean against him when he pulls me in, and my whole body starts relaxing. Kisses me slow at first, then I can feel his teeth on my lip, then this half muffled sorta noise spills out of me and my tongue slides up against his. My hand goes into his hair again, and there ain't no gap between us at all, and his hand on my jaw's all warm against the breeze.

My head's sorta spinning. Not in that girly way but cause it's been spinning for the past hour, only there's a part of me that starts to enjoy it soon as we're kissing. Feels like falling into something deep, like how sometimes you'll feel that way while you're on the way to sleeping. He don't make another noise and nor do I, only I can hear him breathing and I reckon he can bloody hear me too cause my breath keeps hitching and he'll prob'ly hear my heart too if it keeps this up. An' I keep thinking of last time he kissed me, when I upset him, when we was out by the river and he kissed me real hard, and I want to tell him I'm sorry for that, only I don't, cause I don't want to stop kissing him yet, so I just kiss him harder, teeth against his mouth and his against mine, and his tongue pushing deep into my mouth and the feel of his hair all soft in my hand.

The night slowly starts to disappear about me as I am surrounded by Luke. His scent, taste, touch, all overwhelm me. Teeth press flesh as he returns my kiss in force. I almost groan but am distracted by the touch of his hands in my hair.

Keeping my arm about his waist, my other hand pets the angle of his jaw before threading through his hair to grasp firmly. There is no way to pull him tighter to me, but I gasp a bit as I try.

I feel his wrist brush my cheekbone and I leave his mouth with a soft kiss to place my teeth against the tendons and veins there, slowly scraping and then licking. Returning to his mouth before he can say something, I kiss as if I am drinking him down. Licking and sucking his tongue into my mouth. I do not know how long I may have this, but I will cherish it while I can.

Edited 2009-02-05 23:40 (UTC)

His hand's tugging my hair like I could get any closer, and I shiver a bit and groan into his mouth. Then he's turning his head and teasing at my wrist with his teeth and his tongue and don't that leave me blinking, kissing him sorta desperately when he comes back again and tugging him forward by his shirt.

Dunno how long passes. Keep kissing him till I'm breathless and when I finally pull back I just stand there panting and breathing in the smell of him and holding on real tight. Press my forehead against his neck, where his pulse is hammering, and shut my eyes.

"Can't think straight." It ain't hardly no more than a whisper. Like how his skin feels sliding against my lips cause we're still so close together. And I don't let go of where I'm gripping his hair or his shirt, and it ain't just cause I might lose my balance (mind, I bloody might), 's cause he's still got hold of me and I don't want him to let go neither. Not yet anyway.

Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.

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